Self-esteem is how you value yourself: your overall sense of being worthwhile and good enough. When it is healthy, you can enjoy your strengths, accept your flaws and bounce back from setbacks. When it is low, a harsh inner voice can make everything harder. The encouraging news is that self-esteem can grow at any age, and research shows it usually rises through adulthood. There are many ways to help, from inner child work, EFT tapping and Psycho-Cybernetics to NLP, belief work and self-compassion. Pick what’s going on for you and we’ll show you where to start.
What’s going on for you?
For a day when your inner voice is harsh.
- Step 1 · Notice the voice
Name it
Say to yourself, “That’s my inner critic talking.” Naming it creates a little distance.
- Step 2 · Tap through it
EFT Tapping
Tap along with a short video on not feeling good enough. It’s in Videos.
- Step 3 · Speak like a friend
Self-compassion
Ask what you would say to a friend feeling this way, and say it to yourself.
Not quite right? See every method for self-esteem
For deep feelings of not being enough.
- Step 1 · Comfort your younger self
Inner Child
Many feelings of not being enough began in childhood. This method helps you meet them with care.
- Step 2 · Find the belief
Lefkoe Method
A step-by-step process people use to dissolve beliefs such as “I’m not good enough.”
- Step 3 · Write the evidence
Strengths list
Write down ten things you have done, survived or are proud of. Add to it each week.
Not quite right? See every method for self-esteem
For comparing yourself and feeling you fall short.
- Step 1 · Cut the triggers
Curate your feed
Mute or unfollow accounts that leave you feeling worse.
- Step 2 · Change the picture
NLP
Techniques for changing how you see and talk to yourself.
- Step 3 · Compare with you
Track your own progress
Measure today against your past self, not someone else’s highlight reel.
Not quite right? See every method for self-esteem
For building self-worth that lasts.
- Step 1 · Rebuild your self-image
Psycho-Cybernetics
Maxwell Maltz’s method for building a healthier self-image.
- Step 2 · Clear old beliefs
Belief Coding
A method people use to reprogram deep beliefs about worth.
- Step 3 · Live your values
Act on what matters
Self-esteem grows when your actions match what you care about.
Not quite right? See every method for self-esteem
Every method for self-esteem
Inner work & beliefs
-
Inner Child Healing
Connecting with and caring for your younger self. Many people use it to heal old feelings of not being enough. Full guide
-
The Lefkoe Method
A structured process people use to dissolve limiting beliefs about themselves. Full guide
-
Belief Coding
A method people use to replace old beliefs with new ones. Full guide
-
The Work (Byron Katie)
Four questions for examining painful thoughts such as “I’m a failure.” Full guide
Self-image & mindset
-
Psycho-Cybernetics
Maxwell Maltz’s classic method for changing your self-image. Full guide
-
NLP
A set of techniques for changing how you think and talk to yourself. Full guide
-
Visualisation
People use it to picture themselves acting with confidence and self-respect. Full guide
-
Hypnosis
A relaxed, focused state used to strengthen positive beliefs. Full guide
Tapping & the body
-
EFT Tapping
Tap on acupressure points while naming a feeling. Many people use it on shame and self-criticism. Full guide
-
Havening
Gentle self-touch people use to soothe painful memories. Full guide
-
Yoga
People use it to build a kinder relationship with their body. Full guide
More methods with their own hub and guide
-
Shadow Work
People use it to accept hidden parts of themselves. Full guide
-
Ho’oponopono
People use it for self-forgiveness. Full guide
-
Mindfulness
People use it to notice self-critical thoughts without believing them. Full guide
-
Meditation
People use loving-kindness meditation to build warmth towards themselves. Full guide
-
CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy)
A structured talking therapy with a well-studied approach to low self-esteem. Full guide
Conventional routes
-
CBT for low self-esteem
A structured approach based on Melanie Fennell’s model. A meta-analysis found it improved self-esteem. [1]
Support option
-
Counselling
Talking with a counsellor can help you understand where low self-esteem came from and build a kinder view of yourself.
Support option
Learn more
About self-esteem
What it is, why it happens and what helps. Contents:
- What self-esteem is
- Self-esteem and self-confidence
- Signs of low self-esteem
- Where low self-esteem comes from
- Self-esteem across life
- Why self-esteem matters
- The good news: self-esteem can grow
- Quieting your inner critic
- Self-compassion: a steadier base
- Comparison and social media
- Everyday ways to build self-esteem
- Self-esteem and your body
- Self-esteem in relationships
- Helping children build self-esteem
- Steady versus fragile self-worth
- Handling mistakes and setbacks
- Self-esteem at work and study
- A 30-day self-esteem plan
- Kind phrases to try
- How self-help methods fit in
- Conventional help
- FAQs
What self-esteem is
Self-esteem is your overall opinion of yourself: how much you value, respect and accept who you are. It is not about thinking you are better than others. Healthy self-esteem means feeling fundamentally okay about yourself, including your flaws. You can explore related topics in our Wellness hub.
People with healthy self-esteem still have bad days and make mistakes. The difference is that a mistake feels like something they did, not proof of who they are.
Self-esteem and self-confidence
The two are linked but different. Self-confidence is belief in your ability to do things, such as give a talk or learn a skill. Self-esteem is your sense of worth as a person. You can be confident at work and still feel deep down that you are not good enough. Building both helps. Our guide to self-confidence covers the skills side, and our guide to self-love practices offers daily ways to be kinder to yourself.
Signs of low self-esteem
- A harsh inner critic that is quick to blame you.
- Feeling you are not good enough, or that others are better.
- Finding it hard to accept compliments.
- Fear of failure, so you avoid trying new things.
- People-pleasing and trouble saying no.
- Comparing yourself to others and coming up short.
- Dwelling on mistakes long after they happen.
- Putting your needs last.
Most people recognise some of these at times. If they are part of daily life, the ideas on this page can help.
Where low self-esteem comes from
Low self-esteem often has roots in earlier experiences, such as harsh criticism, high expectations, bullying, feeling different, or not getting enough warmth and praise growing up. Later experiences, such as a difficult relationship, losing a job or a long illness, can also knock it. Psychologist Melanie Fennell describes how early experiences can lead people to form a negative “bottom line” belief about themselves, such as “I’m not good enough”, along with rules for living designed to protect against it. CBT for low self-esteem, based on her model, works on these beliefs. [1]
Understanding where your beliefs came from can help you see that they are learned, not facts. That makes them changeable.
Self-esteem across life
A large meta-analysis by Ulrich Orth and colleagues combined data from 331 samples and more than 164,000 people. It found that self-esteem tends to rise in childhood, rises strongly from adolescence to around age 30, and keeps rising gently until it peaks around age 60. [2] In other words, for most people self-esteem improves with age and experience. If yours feels low now, that is not a life sentence.
Why self-esteem matters
In a review of the research, Ulrich Orth and Richard Robins concluded that high self-esteem is beneficial across many areas of life, including relationships, school, work, mental health and physical health. [3] Healthy self-esteem helps people take on challenges, set boundaries, recover from setbacks and look after themselves.
The good news: self-esteem can grow
- Interventions work. A meta-analysis of 119 studies found that self-esteem interventions raised self-esteem in adults. [4]
- CBT helps. A meta-analysis of CBT based on Fennell’s model found it improved self-esteem, with larger effects for weekly sessions. [1]
- It rises naturally. Self-esteem tends to grow through adulthood. [2]
Quieting your inner critic
Your inner critic is the voice that says “You’re useless” or “Who do you think you are?”. It often started as an attempt to protect you, but it can do a lot of harm. Try this:
- Notice: Catch the thought. “I’m so stupid.”
- Name it: “That’s my inner critic.” This creates distance.
- Question it: Is it completely true? What is the evidence for and against? Would I say this to a friend?
- Respond: Write a kinder, more balanced thought. “I made a mistake. That’s human. I can learn from it.”
- Repeat: New ways of thinking take practice.
The Work offers four questions that many people find helpful for this. EFT tapping can help soften the emotional sting of the critic.
Self-compassion: a steadier base
Psychologist Kristin Neff has studied self-compassion: treating yourself with the same kindness you would offer a friend. In a study of more than 2,000 people, self-compassion was linked to a more stable sense of self-worth that depended less on how well things went. It was linked to happiness and optimism just as strongly as self-esteem. [5] Self-compassion also seems to support growth: in studies by Juliana Breines and Serena Chen, people who were kind to themselves after a failure were more motivated to improve. [6]
Self-compassion has three parts: [7]
- Self-kindness: being warm rather than harsh with yourself.
- Common humanity: remembering that everyone struggles.
- Mindfulness: noticing painful feelings without exaggerating or ignoring them.
Comparison and social media
Comparing yourself to others is natural, but social media makes it constant. You see other people’s highlights and compare them to your everyday life. To help:
- Mute or unfollow accounts that leave you feeling worse.
- Follow people who inspire, teach or make you laugh.
- Set time limits on apps.
- Compare yourself with your past self, not others.
- Remember that everyone has struggles you can’t see.
Everyday ways to build self-esteem
- Keep promises to yourself. Small promises kept, such as a daily walk, build self-trust.
- Write down wins. Each evening, note three things you did well or are grateful for.
- Learn something new. Mastering a skill builds a sense of competence.
- Accept compliments. Just say “Thank you”.
- Set boundaries. Saying no respectfully shows you value yourself. Our guide to setting boundaries can help.
- Spend time with supportive people. Choose people who lift you up.
- Help others. Kindness and volunteering build a sense of worth.
- Look after your body. Sleep, food and movement affect how you feel about yourself.
Self-esteem and your body
How you feel about your body can strongly affect self-esteem. Try to focus on what your body does for you, such as carrying you, hugging people you love and letting you enjoy the world, rather than only how it looks. Move in ways you enjoy. Wear clothes that feel comfortable. Notice and challenge harsh thoughts about your appearance just as you would any other inner critic. Yoga and mindful movement help many people feel more at home in their bodies.
Self-esteem in relationships
Low self-esteem can show up in relationships as people-pleasing, jealousy, fear of rejection or staying in situations that aren’t good for you. Healthy self-esteem helps you choose relationships that are kind and equal, and speak up for what you need. Our guides to codependency recovery, overcoming jealousy and setting boundaries have more.
Helping children build self-esteem
- Praise effort, not just results: “You worked really hard on that.”
- Show unconditional love, especially when they make mistakes.
- Let them try, fail and try again.
- Give responsibilities they can succeed at.
- Listen and take their feelings seriously.
- Model kindness to yourself. Children notice how you talk about yourself.
Steady self-worth versus fragile self-worth
Not all high self-esteem is the same. Some people feel good about themselves only when things are going well, such as when they win, look a certain way or get praise. This kind of self-worth can swing up and down with every success and setback. A steadier kind of self-worth rests on accepting yourself as a person, whatever happens. Research by Kristin Neff and Roos Vonk found self-compassion was linked to this more stable sense of worth, with less need to compare yourself with others. [5] The aim, then, is not to feel superior, but to feel fundamentally okay, on good days and bad.
Handling mistakes and setbacks
Setbacks are where self-esteem is tested. When something goes wrong, try to separate what you did from who you are. “I missed the deadline” is a fact you can deal with; “I’m useless” is a verdict that isn’t true. Ask what you can learn, what you would do differently next time and what support would help. Then give yourself credit for facing it. Over time, each setback handled with kindness becomes more evidence that you can cope, and that evidence is the raw material of healthy self-esteem.
Self-esteem at work and study
Low self-esteem can make people undersell themselves, avoid speaking up or work far longer than needed to prove their worth. Keep a record of your achievements and positive feedback, and read it before reviews or interviews. Practise stating your ideas clearly in meetings. Ask for feedback that is specific, so it becomes useful information rather than a judgement. Notice when you are holding yourself to standards you would never expect of a colleague. Many people with low self-esteem also feel like a fraud despite their success. If that sounds familiar, remember that these feelings are very common and are not evidence of anything.
A simple 30-day self-esteem plan
- Week 1: Each evening, write three things you did well, however small.
- Week 2: Catch your inner critic once a day and write a kinder, balanced reply.
- Week 3: Keep one small promise to yourself every day, such as a walk or an early night.
- Week 4: Do one thing each day that reflects your values, such as helping someone, saying no or trying something new.
Keep going with whatever helps most. Small daily actions add up to a real change in how you see yourself.
Kind phrases to try
When your inner critic is loud, it can help to have a few kinder phrases ready. Try “I’m doing my best with what I have”, “Everyone makes mistakes; I’m allowed to as well”, “I can be a work in progress and still be worthy”, or simply “This is hard, and I’m here for myself.” Say them slowly, perhaps with a hand on your heart. They may feel odd at first, but with practice they become a more natural way of speaking to yourself.
How self-help methods fit in
Many people combine practical steps with deeper inner work. Inner child work helps heal old wounds. The Lefkoe Method and Belief Coding target deep beliefs such as “I’m not good enough”. Psycho-Cybernetics rebuilds self-image. NLP changes how you talk to yourself. EFT tapping helps many people soften shame and self-criticism. If low self-esteem comes with ongoing low mood or anxiety, our guides to depression and anxiety have more.
Conventional help
If low self-esteem is holding you back, a therapist can help. CBT based on Melanie Fennell’s model is a well-studied approach. [1] Counselling, compassion-focused therapy and group programmes also help many people. Your doctor can refer you, and many therapists work online. Directories for several countries are in Get help & sources.
Frequently asked questions
What is self-esteem?
Self-esteem is your overall opinion of yourself: how much you value, respect and accept who you are, flaws included.
What is the difference between self-esteem and self-confidence?
Self-confidence is belief in your ability to do things. Self-esteem is your sense of worth as a person. You can have one without the other.
What causes low self-esteem?
It often has roots in earlier experiences, such as criticism, bullying or not getting enough warmth, which can lead to negative beliefs about yourself. These beliefs are learned and can change. [1]
Can self-esteem really improve?
Yes. A meta-analysis of 119 studies found that self-esteem interventions raised self-esteem in adults. [4]
Does self-esteem change with age?
Yes. A large meta-analysis found self-esteem tends to rise through adulthood, peaking around age 60. [2]
Is self-compassion better than self-esteem?
They work well together. Research found self-compassion was linked to a more stable sense of self-worth that depended less on outcomes. [5]
How can I quiet my inner critic?
Notice the thought, name it as your inner critic, question whether it is true, and respond as you would to a friend. Practise regularly.
The best videos on self-esteem
Hand-picked and checked one by one: psychologists and researchers on self-worth, plus guided tapping.
Understand self-worth
Tapping for self-worth
Books on self-esteem
Free resources
Experts to follow
Get help
Talk to your doctor or a therapist if low self-esteem is affecting your mood, work or relationships. They can help you find the right support.
Find a therapist or counsellor
- US and Canada: Psychology Today (US) and (Canada) directories.
- UK: BACP therapist directory.
- Australia: APS Find a Psychologist, and Relationships Australia for couple and family services.
- Elsewhere, including Europe and India: ask your doctor or local health service for a referral, and check that anyone you see is registered or accredited where you live.
This hub is for information, not a substitute for medical or psychological care.
Sources
- Kolubinski et al. (2018), A systematic review and meta-analysis of CBT interventions based on the Fennell model of low self-esteem, Psychiatry Research 267:296-305
- Orth, Erol & Luciano (2018), Development of self-esteem from age 4 to 94 years: a meta-analysis of longitudinal studies, Psychological Bulletin 144(10):1045-1080
- Orth & Robins (2022), Is high self-esteem beneficial? Revisiting a classic question, American Psychologist 77(1):5-17
- Niveau, New & Beaudoin (2021), Self-esteem interventions in adults: a systematic review and meta-analysis, Journal of Research in Personality 94:104131
- Neff & Vonk (2009), Self-compassion versus global self-esteem: two different ways of relating to oneself, Journal of Personality 77(1):23-50
- Breines & Chen (2012), Self-compassion increases self-improvement motivation, Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin 38(9):1133-1143
- Neff (2003), Self-compassion: an alternative conceptualization of a healthy attitude toward oneself, Self and Identity 2(2):85-101
Written by Saj Ali. Last updated 30 October 2026. Spotted an error? Tell us and we will fix it.