Self-confidence

About self-confidence

What it is, why it happens and what helps. Contents:

• What is self-confidence?
• Signs of low confidence
• Where low confidence comes from
• How confidence is built
• Five things to try this week
• Quietening the inner critic
• “Fake it till you make it”?
• Conventional help
• Helping someone with low confidence
• FAQs

What is self-confidence?

Self-confidence is trust in your own ability to handle things: to speak up, try something new, or cope if it goes wrong. It is closely linked to self-esteem, which the NHS describes as the opinion we have of ourselves. [1] You can value yourself and still feel nervous about a presentation, and you can be confident at work while feeling low about yourself at home.

The good news is that confidence is not a fixed trait. It grows with practice, like a skill.

Signs of low confidence

• Avoiding new things, challenges or social situations.
• A harsh inner voice that criticises you more than you would criticise anyone else.
• Struggling to say no, or to ask for what you need.
• Brushing off compliments and focusing on what went wrong.
• Comparing yourself with others and always coming off worse.

Avoidance brings short-term relief but feeds self-doubt over time. Low self-esteem can also contribute to depression and anxiety. [1]

Where low confidence comes from

It often starts in childhood, shaped by messages from family, teachers, friends and the media. Difficult experiences later in life, such as bullying, abuse, discrimination, relationship problems or money and work worries, can knock it too. Some people are more prone to negative thinking or set themselves impossibly high standards. [1] [2]

How confidence is built

Psychologist Albert Bandura found four main sources of belief in your own ability: [3]

1. Doing it. Succeeding at something you doubted is the most powerful builder of all.
2. Seeing others do it. Watching someone like you succeed makes it feel possible.
3. Encouragement. Someone you trust telling you that you can do it.
4. How you feel in your body. Reading nerves as excitement rather than a sign of failure.

Many of the methods on this page work on one or more of these. Tapping and breathing calm the body; visualisation lets you rehearse success; small challenges give you real wins.

Five things to try this week

1. Write your list. At least five things you like about yourself, plus good things others have said. Keep it where you can see it. [1]
2. Do one thing you have been putting off, in its smallest form.
3. Talk to yourself like a friend. When you notice the inner critic, ask what you would say to a friend in your place.
4. Practise saying no once, politely and without over-explaining. [1]
5. Try a round of tapping on the thought “I’m not good enough”. Learn how.

Quietening the inner critic

Write the critical thought down, note when it started, and list the evidence against it. [1] Give the critic a name or a silly voice so it feels less like the truth. Self-compassion research suggests that being kind to yourself after a setback makes you more likely, not less, to try again. [5]

“Fake it till you make it”?

Partly. Standing tall won’t change your hormones, as once claimed, but people do report feeling more powerful when they stop slumping. [6] Acting “as if” works best as a way to get yourself through the door, so you can collect real experiences of coping.

Conventional help

If low confidence is holding you back or comes with low mood or anxiety, talking therapies such as counselling or CBT can help. Your doctor can refer you, or you can find a therapist yourself; check they are registered with a recognised professional body. [1]

Helping someone with low confidence

Notice and name specific things they do well, rather than general praise. Encourage small steps without pushing, and resist doing things for them that they could do themselves. Listen when they talk themselves down, and gently ask what evidence they have.

Frequently asked questions

What is the difference between confidence and self-esteem?

Confidence is trust in what you can do; self-esteem is how you value who you are. They often rise and fall together.

Can you build confidence quickly?

You can feel steadier before one event quickly, with tapping, breathing or posture. Lasting confidence builds over weeks, through repeated small wins.

Do alternative methods work for confidence?

Most haven’t been formally tested for confidence. People often try a few to find what suits them.

When should I get help?

If low confidence stops you doing everyday things, or comes with low mood or anxiety, see your doctor. [1]

The best videos on self-confidence

Hand-picked and checked one by one: explainers and guided practices you can follow along with.

Understand it

Shift it

Videos are chosen by Self Help Supermarket and hosted on YouTube by their creators. They are for information and are not a substitute for professional care.

Books on self-confidence

Free resources

Experts to follow

Get help

See a doctor if low confidence is affecting your daily life, comes with low mood or anxiety, or self-help isn’t working.

This hub is for information, not a substitute for medical or psychological care.

Sources

1. NHS, Raising low self-esteem
2. Mind, Understanding low self-esteem
3. Simply Psychology, Bandura’s self-efficacy theory
4. Kolubinski et al. (2018), A systematic review and meta-analysis of CBT interventions based on the Fennell model of low self-esteem, Psychiatry Research
5. Ferrari et al. (2019), Self-compassion interventions and psychosocial outcomes: a meta-analysis of RCTs, Mindfulness
6. The Psychologist (British Psychological Society), the power posing debate

Last reviewed 25 October 2026 by the Self Help Supermarket editorial team. Spotted an error? Tell us and we will fix it.