Self-love is not about bubble baths or thinking you are perfect. It is about treating yourself with the same warmth, patience and respect you would offer someone you care about. It shapes how you handle setbacks, how you speak to yourself, and the kind of relationships you accept. The encouraging news is that it can be learned, and research on self-compassion shows real benefits. There are many ways to start, from tapping and loving-kindness meditation to inner child work and small daily habits. Pick what’s going on for you and we’ll show you where to start.
What’s going on for you?
For a loud, critical inner voice.
- Step 1 · Notice the voice
Write down what it says
For one day, jot down the harsh things you say to yourself. Seeing them on paper makes them easier to question.
- Step 2 · Take a self-compassion break
Three short phrases
“This is a moment of suffering. Suffering is part of life. May I be kind to myself.” Free guided versions are linked in Videos.
- Step 3 · Question it
The Work (Byron Katie)
Take one harsh thought, such as “I’m useless”, and test it with four questions.
Not quite right? See every method for self-love practices
For people-pleasers who neglect their own needs.
- Step 1 · Check in with yourself
What do I need right now?
Ask this three times a day. Rest, food, a walk, a no. Then give yourself one of them.
- Step 2 · Practise a small no
Boundaries are self-love
Turn down one small request this week, kindly and without a long explanation.
- Step 3 · Look at where it began
Inner Child Healing
Many people-pleasers learned early that their needs came last. Reconnect with that younger you.
Not quite right? See every method for self-love practices
For deep feelings of not being enough.
- Step 1 · Tap on it
EFT Tapping
Tap while saying “Even though I don’t feel good enough, I’m willing to accept myself.” Follow along with a video.
- Step 2 · Find the belief
The Lefkoe Method
Identify where “I’m not enough” came from and dissolve it, step by step.
- Step 3 · Collect evidence
Values, not achievements
Write about a value that matters to you and a time you lived by it. Researchers call this self-affirmation.
Not quite right? See every method for self-love practices
For building self-love into everyday life.
- Step 1 · Start the day kindly
Loving-kindness meditation
Five minutes wishing yourself and others well. A guided version is in Videos.
- Step 2 · Look after your body
Move, sleep, eat well
Treat your body like someone you love: a walk, a proper meal, a regular bedtime.
- Step 3 · End with gratitude
Three good things
Before bed, write three things that went well and one thing you did well.
Not quite right? See every method for self-love practices
Every method for self-love practices
Tapping & calming your body
-
EFT Tapping
Tap on acupressure points while naming a feeling; a 2025 review of trials found it a promising add-on for anxiety. [1] People use it to soften self-criticism and shame. Full guide
-
Havening
Gentle self-touch combined with simple mental tasks, used to ease distress. Many people find the soothing touch itself an act of self-care. Full guide
-
Relaxation
Slow breathing and progressive muscle relaxation switch down the body’s stress response, which makes it easier to be kind to yourself. Full guide
Kindness practices
-
Self-compassion
Kindness to yourself, a sense of common humanity and mindful awareness of pain, as defined by researcher Kristin Neff. [2] Free guided practices are available on her website. [3]
Everyday practice
-
Meditation
Loving-kindness meditation, wishing yourself and others well, is a popular form. In a field experiment it increased daily positive emotions, which built resources such as purpose and social support. [4] Full guide
-
Ho’oponopono
A four-phrase practice: I’m sorry, please forgive me, thank you, I love you. Many people say it to themselves to soften guilt and self-blame. Full guide
-
Gratitude
Writing down things you are grateful for. In a series of experiments, people who did so reported higher well-being than comparison groups. [5]
Everyday practice
-
Self-affirmation
Writing about a value that matters to you. Researchers have found it can help people handle threats to their self-worth more openly. [6]
Everyday practice
Inner work, beliefs & patterns
-
Inner Child Healing
Reconnect with and re-parent your younger self to heal old wounds. Many people find self-love grows when they offer their younger self the care they missed. Full guide
-
Shadow Work
Meet and integrate the parts of yourself you’ve learned to hide or reject. Accepting all of you is at the heart of self-love. Full guide
-
The Lefkoe Method
A structured process for finding and dissolving a limiting belief, such as “I’m not enough”. Full guide
-
Belief Coding
A method for identifying and rewriting beliefs that hold you back. People use it on beliefs about their worth. Full guide
-
The Work (Byron Katie)
Write down a stressful thought, test it with four questions, then “turn it around”. People use it on harsh self-judgements. Full guide
More methods with their own hub and guide
-
Mindfulness
People use it to notice self-critical thoughts without believing every one. Full guide
-
Yoga
People use it to reconnect with their body in a kind, accepting way. Full guide
-
Psycho-Cybernetics
People use it to build a kinder, more confident self-image. Full guide
-
Visualisation
People use it to picture themselves as confident and at ease. Full guide
-
Hypnosis
Some people use it to feel calmer and more confident. Full guide
-
NLP
Some people use NLP techniques to change how they talk to themselves. Full guide
Conventional routes
-
Mindful Self-Compassion course
An eight-week group course. In a randomised trial, participants gained more self-compassion, mindfulness and well-being than a waitlist group, and kept their gains a year later. [7]
Support option
-
Talking therapy
A therapist can help with long-standing low self-worth, including approaches such as compassion-focused therapy and CBT. Directories are in Get help & sources.
Support option
Learn more
About self-love practices
What it is, why it happens and what helps. Contents:
- What self-love really means
- Self-love and self-compassion
- What the research shows
- Self-love versus self-esteem
- Self-love and your relationships
- Working with your inner critic
- A simple daily practice
- Self-love in hard times
- Self-love and your body
- Common worries about self-love
- How self-help methods fit in
- Conventional help
- FAQs
What self-love really means
Self-love means treating yourself with warmth, respect and care. It means looking after your needs, speaking to yourself kindly, accepting your flaws as part of being human, and believing you deserve good things, including good relationships. It is not vanity, selfishness or thinking you are better than others. People with healthy self-love are often more generous with others, not less.
Self-love is also something you do, not only something you feel. Getting enough sleep, saying no to things that drain you, asking for help, and forgiving yourself for mistakes are all acts of self-love. You can explore related topics in our Relationships hub.
Self-love and self-compassion
The best-studied form of self-love is self-compassion. Psychologist Kristin Neff defines it as having three parts: being kind to yourself rather than harshly judgemental, seeing your struggles as part of shared human experience rather than something that isolates you, and holding painful feelings in mindful awareness rather than ignoring them or getting swept away. [2]
Put simply, self-compassion means treating yourself the way you would treat a good friend who was going through a hard time. Most of us find this far easier to do for others than for ourselves, which is why it helps to practise.
What the research shows
Research on self-compassion has grown quickly, and the findings are encouraging.
- Better mental health. A meta-analysis of 20 samples found a large link between higher self-compassion and lower depression, anxiety and stress. [8]
- It can be learned. In a randomised controlled trial of the eight-week Mindful Self-Compassion programme, participants reported significantly larger increases in self-compassion, mindfulness and well-being than a waitlist group, and their gains were maintained at six months and one year. [7]
- Kindness builds on itself. In a field experiment with working adults, a loving-kindness meditation practice increased daily positive emotions over time, which in turn built personal resources such as mindfulness, purpose in life and social support, and led to greater life satisfaction. [4]
- Gratitude helps. Across three experiments, people who kept a gratitude list showed higher well-being on several measures than comparison groups. [5]
Self-love versus self-esteem
Self-esteem is how you rate yourself, and it often depends on doing well or comparing yourself favourably with others. That can make it fragile: it rises with success and falls with failure. Self-compassion is different. It does not require you to be special or above average. It simply asks you to be kind to yourself whether you succeed or struggle. [2]
That is why many psychologists now encourage self-compassion as a steadier foundation for self-love. You do not have to earn it. If confidence is your main goal, our guide to self-confidence has more.
Self-love and your relationships
How you treat yourself shapes how you treat others. In a study of 104 couples, people who were more self-compassionate were described by their partners as more caring and supportive, and less controlling or verbally aggressive. Self-compassion predicted positive relationship behaviour more strongly than self-esteem or attachment style did. [9]
Self-love also helps you choose and keep healthier relationships. When you value yourself, it becomes easier to set limits, ask for what you need and walk away from people who treat you badly. Our guides to setting boundaries and codependency recovery explore this further, and our guide to dating and finding a partner shows how self-worth affects who you are drawn to.
Working with your inner critic
Most of us have an inner critic: a voice that points out every mistake and predicts failure. It often began as an attempt to keep us safe or help us fit in. You do not need to fight it. Instead, you can notice it, thank it for trying to help, and choose a kinder voice.
- Notice. Catch the critic in action. Write down exactly what it says.
- Name it. Some people give it a name. This creates a little distance: “That’s just the critic again.”
- Ask a better question. “What would I say to a friend who felt this way?” Then say that to yourself.
- Question the thought. Methods such as The Work help you test harsh thoughts. Many turn out to be far less true than they feel.
- Calm your body. Self-criticism is stressful. A round of tapping or slow breathing can soften it. A 2025 review of EFT trials found it a promising add-on for anxiety. [1]
A simple daily practice
Self-love grows through small, repeated actions. Here is a simple routine many people find helpful. Pick one or two to start.
- Morning: five minutes of loving-kindness meditation, wishing yourself and others well.
- During the day: a self-compassion break when things go wrong. Put a hand on your heart and say something kind.
- Body care: a walk or other movement you enjoy. Exercise has wide-ranging benefits for mood. [10]
- Boundaries: one small no to something that drains you.
- Evening: write three things that went well and one thing you did well today.
Self-love in hard times
Self-love matters most when life is difficult: after a breakup, a job loss, a mistake or a period of low mood. These are the moments the inner critic tends to get louder. They are also the moments when kindness helps most.
After a breakup, for example, many people blame themselves or wonder what is wrong with them. A self-compassionate response sounds more like: “This hurts, and it makes sense that it hurts. Lots of people go through this. What do I need right now?” Our guide to heartbreak and breakups has more on getting through that time.
When you make a mistake, self-love does not mean pretending it did not happen. It means taking responsibility without tearing yourself down, making amends if you need to, and treating the lesson as part of growing. Many people find the Ho’oponopono phrases, “I’m sorry, please forgive me, thank you, I love you”, a gentle way to do this for themselves.
Self-love and your body
Your body is where self-love becomes practical. Getting enough sleep, eating regular meals, moving in ways you enjoy and going to health check-ups are all ways of telling yourself you matter. Researchers have found that exercise of many kinds, from walking to yoga, can lift low mood. [10]
Self-love also includes how you think about your body. Instead of focusing on how it looks, try thanking it for what it does: carrying you, healing, letting you hug people you love. Gentle movement practices such as yoga are popular because they combine movement with kind attention.
Common worries about self-love
“Won’t I become lazy or selfish?” Self-compassion is not the same as letting yourself off the hook. Many people find that kindness after a mistake makes it easier to learn from it and try again, because they are not frozen by shame.
“It feels fake.” That is normal at first. Kind words can feel strange if you are used to criticism. Keep going. Like any skill, it gets easier with practice.
“I don’t have time.” Most self-love practices take minutes. A self-compassion break takes less than a minute.
How self-help methods fit in
Many self-help methods support self-love in different ways. Calming methods such as EFT tapping help in the moment, when self-criticism or shame flares up. Kindness practices such as loving-kindness meditation and Ho’oponopono build warmth over time. Inner-work methods such as Inner Child Healing and Shadow Work help heal older wounds. Many people combine one from each group.
Conventional help
If low self-worth feels deep-rooted or is affecting your mood, work or relationships, a therapist can help. Compassion-focused therapy and CBT are common approaches, and the Mindful Self-Compassion programme is taught in groups and online in many countries. [7] Check that anyone you see is registered or accredited where you live. Directories for several countries are in Get help & sources.
Frequently asked questions
What is self-love?
Self-love means treating yourself with warmth, respect and care: looking after your needs, speaking to yourself kindly and accepting your flaws as part of being human. It is not vanity or selfishness.
What is the difference between self-love and self-compassion?
Self-compassion is a well-studied form of self-love. Kristin Neff defines it as self-kindness, a sense of common humanity and mindful awareness of painful feelings. [2]
Can you learn to love yourself?
Yes. In a randomised trial of the Mindful Self-Compassion programme, participants gained self-compassion and well-being, and kept their gains a year later. [7]
Does self-love improve relationships?
Research suggests it does. In a study of 104 couples, self-compassionate people were described by their partners as more caring and supportive. [9]
What are some simple self-love practices?
Try a daily self-compassion break, loving-kindness meditation, a gratitude list, regular movement, enough sleep, and saying no to things that drain you.
Is self-love selfish?
No. Looking after yourself gives you more energy and patience for others, and self-compassionate people tend to be kinder partners and friends.
Can tapping help with self-love?
Many people use EFT tapping to soften self-criticism and shame. A 2025 review found it a promising add-on for anxiety. [1]
The best videos on self-love practices
Hand-picked and checked one by one: researchers and teachers on self-compassion, plus guided practices and tapping.
Understand self-love and self-compassion
Guided practices
Tapping for self-love
Books on self-love practices
Free resources
Experts to follow
Get help
Get professional help if low self-worth is affecting your mood, sleep, work or relationships, or if self-criticism feels overwhelming. A doctor can point you to local therapists, and many counsellors work online.
Find a therapist or counsellor
- US and Canada: Psychology Today (US) and (Canada) directories.
- UK: BACP therapist directory.
- Australia: APS Find a Psychologist, and Relationships Australia for couple and family services.
- Elsewhere, including Europe and India: ask your doctor or local health service for a referral, and check that anyone you see is registered or accredited where you live.
This hub is for information, not a substitute for medical or psychological care.
Sources
- Choi, Sung & Lee (2025), Emotional Freedom Techniques for anxiety disorders: a systematic review, Healthcare 13(17):2180
- Neff (2003), Self-compassion: an alternative conceptualization of a healthy attitude toward oneself, Self and Identity 2(2):85-101
- Kristin Neff, Self-Compassion.org (free exercises and guided practices)
- Fredrickson et al. (2008), Open hearts build lives: positive emotions, induced through loving-kindness meditation, build consequential personal resources, Journal of Personality and Social Psychology 95(5):1045-1062
- Emmons & McCullough (2003), Counting blessings versus burdens: an experimental investigation of gratitude and subjective well-being in daily life, Journal of Personality and Social Psychology 84(2):377-389
- Cohen & Sherman (2014), The psychology of change: self-affirmation and social psychological intervention, Annual Review of Psychology 65:333-371
- Neff & Germer (2013), A pilot study and randomized controlled trial of the Mindful Self-Compassion program, Journal of Clinical Psychology 69(1):28-44
- MacBeth & Gumley (2012), Exploring compassion: a meta-analysis of the association between self-compassion and psychopathology, Clinical Psychology Review 32(6):545-552
- Neff & Beretvas (2013), The role of self-compassion in romantic relationships, Self and Identity 12(1):78-98
- Noetel et al. (2024), Effect of exercise for depression: systematic review and network meta-analysis of randomised controlled trials, BMJ 384:e075847
Written by Saj Ali. Last updated 30 October 2026. Spotted an error? Tell us and we will fix it.