Perfectionism

About perfectionism

What it is, why it happens and what helps. Contents:

• What is perfectionism?
• Three types of perfectionism
• Healthy striving versus perfectionism
• Why perfectionism is rising
• Common signs
• Where it comes from
• How it holds you back
• Perfectionism and procrastination
• How CBT helps
• Behavioural experiments
• Good enough is a skill
• Self-compassion
• Quieting the inner critic
• Perfectionism at work and study
• Helping children
• A simple 30-day plan
• How self-help methods fit in
• FAQs

What is perfectionism?

Perfectionism is more than liking things done well. Psychologists describe it as setting extremely high standards and judging your worth by whether you meet them. Researchers Randy Frost and colleagues identified several parts to it, including high personal standards, a strong concern about mistakes, doubts about actions and a sense of parents’ expectations. [4] Many perfectionists are conscientious, caring and hard-working people. The difficulty is that the bar keeps moving, so success brings brief relief rather than lasting satisfaction. You can explore related topics in our Wellness hub, including self-esteem and overthinking.

Three types of perfectionism

Psychologists Paul Hewitt and Gordon Flett described three kinds of perfectionism. [5]

• Self-oriented perfectionism. Demanding perfection from yourself.
• Other-oriented perfectionism. Expecting perfection from other people.
• Socially prescribed perfectionism. Believing that other people expect you to be perfect.

Most people notice that one of these fits them more than the others. Naming it is a helpful first step, because each one asks for a slightly different response. Self-oriented perfectionists often benefit from setting “good enough” standards. Other-oriented perfectionists may find it useful to practise flexibility with people they love. Socially prescribed perfectionists often find relief in checking what others really expect, which is usually much less than they imagine.

Healthy striving versus perfectionism

Not all high standards are a problem. Joachim Stoeber and Kathleen Otto reviewed the research and found that “perfectionistic strivings”, aiming high and caring about quality, are often linked with positive outcomes. The difficulties come mainly from “perfectionistic concerns”: fear of mistakes, harsh self-criticism and worry about others’ judgement. [6] So the goal isn’t to stop caring. It’s to keep the striving and drop the fear. A useful question is: “Am I doing this because I enjoy doing it well, or because I’m afraid of what happens if I don’t?”

Why perfectionism is rising

Thomas Curran and Andrew Hill analysed data from more than 41,000 college students in the United States, Canada and the United Kingdom between 1989 and 2016. All three types of perfectionism had increased over time, with socially prescribed perfectionism rising the most. [7] The researchers link the trend with growing competition, comparison and pressure in modern life. Curran’s TED talk and his book The Perfection Trap explore this further; you’ll find the talk in Videos. Knowing that perfectionism is partly shaped by the culture we live in can make it easier to be gentle with yourself.

Common signs

• Spending far longer on tasks than they need, or redoing them many times.
• Finding it hard to start, in case the result isn’t good enough.
• Feeling crushed by small mistakes or mild criticism.
• Focusing on the one thing that went wrong rather than the many that went right.
• Struggling to delegate because others won’t do it “properly”.
• Feeling that your worth depends on what you achieve.
• Rarely feeling satisfied, even after a success.

Where it comes from

Perfectionism usually grows from a mix of temperament and experience, and it often travels with imposter syndrome. Some people are naturally more detail-focused. Others learned early that praise and approval came with achievement, or grew up in homes, schools or sports where mistakes felt costly. Competitive workplaces and social media, where everyone else seems to be doing brilliantly, can add to the pressure. It can be helpful to ask, with curiosity rather than blame, “Where did I learn that I had to be perfect?” Methods such as inner child work explore these early experiences gently.

How it holds you back

Ironically, perfectionism can make it harder to do your best work. Fear of mistakes can lead to over-checking, delays and avoiding new challenges. Sarah Egan, Tracey Wade and Roz Shafran describe perfectionism as a “transdiagnostic” process, meaning it shows up across many common difficulties, including anxiety, low mood and stress. [8] Seeing this clearly is often motivating, because easing perfectionism can bring benefits in many areas of life at once, from sleep and relationships to creativity. Our guide to creativity explores how letting go of perfection can free up new ideas.

Perfectionism and procrastination

Many people are surprised to learn that perfectionism and procrastination often go together. If a task has to be perfect, starting it can feel overwhelming, so it gets put off until the last minute. The rush then confirms the belief that everything is a struggle. Helpful tricks include breaking tasks into very small first steps, setting a “rough draft” goal, and giving yourself permission to do a first version badly. Our guide to procrastination has many more ideas.

How CBT helps

Cognitive behavioural therapy is the most researched approach for perfectionism. Roz Shafran, Zafra Cooper and Christopher Fairburn described “clinical perfectionism” and a CBT model for it, built around noticing rigid rules, testing them and broadening how you judge your worth. [1] A meta-analysis by Samantha Lloyd and colleagues found that psychological interventions, mostly CBT, led to large reductions in perfectionism. [3] You don’t have to see a therapist to use these ideas. Free self-help workbooks, such as Perfectionism in Perspective from the Centre for Clinical Interventions in Western Australia, walk you through the steps. [9]

Behavioural experiments

A behavioural experiment is a small, safe test of a prediction. For example, if you believe “If I send an email with a typo, people will think I’m incompetent”, you could deliberately send a friendly email with a small typo and see what happens. Other ideas include leaving a room slightly untidy, submitting work after one check instead of five, or arriving at a social event without having planned every detail (our guide to social anxiety has more ideas for social nerves). Write your prediction down first, then the result. Most people find the outcome is far milder than they feared, and that confidence grows each time.

Good enough is a skill

Choosing “good enough” isn’t lowering your standards. It’s deciding where your time and energy matter most. Try sorting tasks into three groups: those that deserve your very best, those where good is fine, and those where done is all that matters. Before you start, define what “finished” looks like, and give yourself a time limit. The Pareto idea that a large share of the value often comes from a smaller share of the effort can be a useful reminder that the last bit of polishing rarely changes much.

Self-compassion

Many perfectionists fear that being kind to themselves will make them careless. Research suggests otherwise. People who responded to a mistake with self-compassion were more motivated to improve, not less. [2] Kristin Neff describes self-compassion as kindness towards yourself, remembering that everyone makes mistakes, and noticing your feelings with balance. [10] Her short videos on the three parts of self-compassion and common worries about it are in Videos. Brené Brown’s work on shame and imperfection is another favourite for many readers, and our guide to self-forgiveness explores letting go of past mistakes.

Quieting the inner critic

The inner critic often speaks in absolutes: “always”, “never”, “should”, “must”. Psychologist Albert Ellis, founder of REBT, called rigid demands like these “musts”, and suggested turning them into preferences: “I’d like this to go well” rather than “It must go perfectly”. Three Minute Therapy offers a quick daily exercise based on this idea, and The Work of Byron Katie invites you to ask of a stressful thought, “Is it true?” Speaking to yourself in the third person, using your own name, can also help you step back from harsh self-talk. [11]

Perfectionism at work and study

At work, perfectionism can show up as missed deadlines, difficulty delegating and burnout. Helpful habits include agreeing clear standards with your manager, asking “What does good look like for this?”, and sharing early drafts so feedback arrives before you’ve spent hours polishing. Students can try planning study sessions with fixed end times and practising past papers under time limits. Celebrating progress, not just final results, helps keep motivation steady. Our guides to productivity and burnout have more ideas.

Helping children

If you’re a parent or teacher, you can help children develop healthy striving. Praise effort, strategies and curiosity rather than only results. Talk openly about your own mistakes and what you learned. Show that love and belonging don’t depend on grades or trophies. Encourage hobbies that are simply for fun. Helping a child see mistakes as part of learning is one of the kindest gifts you can give.

A simple 30-day plan

Week 1: Notice. Write down moments when perfectionism shows up, what you were doing and what you told yourself.

Week 2: Set limits. Use time limits and “good enough” definitions for three everyday tasks.

Week 3: Experiment. Try one small behavioural experiment every other day and record the results.

Week 4: Be kind. End each day by writing three things that went well and one kind sentence to yourself.

How self-help methods fit in

CBT has the strongest research base for perfectionism. The Work, the Lefkoe Method and Three Minute Therapy each give simple ways to question the beliefs that drive it. Mindfulness helps you notice the inner critic without following it, and inner child work explores where the pressure began. You can see every method we cover in the full list above.

Frequently asked questions

What is perfectionism?

Setting extremely high standards and judging your worth by whether you meet them, often with harsh self-criticism when you don’t.

Is perfectionism a good thing?

High standards and striving can be helpful. The difficulties come mainly from fear of mistakes and harsh self-criticism. [6]

What are the types of perfectionism?

Self-oriented, other-oriented and socially prescribed, as described by Hewitt and Flett. [5]

Is perfectionism increasing?

Yes. A study of more than 41,000 students from 1989 to 2016 found all three types had increased. [7]

How do I stop being a perfectionist?

Define “good enough” in advance, use time limits, try small behavioural experiments, question “must” thoughts and practise self-compassion.

Can CBT help with perfectionism?

Yes. A meta-analysis found psychological interventions, mostly CBT, reduced perfectionism. [3]

Why do perfectionists procrastinate?

When a task has to be perfect, starting can feel overwhelming, so it gets put off. Small first steps and rough drafts help.

The best videos on perfectionism

Hand-picked and checked one by one: TED, TEDx, Greater Good Science Center and Kristin Neff.

Understanding perfectionism

Letting go of perfect

Self-compassion

Books on perfectionism

Free resources

Experts to follow

Get help

If perfectionism is linked with anxiety, low mood or eating worries, your doctor or a CBT therapist can help.

Find a therapist or counsellor

• US and Canada: Psychology Today (US) and (Canada) directories.
• UK: BACP therapist directory.
• Australia: APS Find a Psychologist, and Relationships Australia for couple and family services.
• Elsewhere, including Europe and India: ask your doctor or local health service for a referral, and check that anyone you see is registered or accredited where you live.

This hub is for information, not a substitute for medical or psychological care.

Sources

1. Shafran, Cooper & Fairburn (2002), Clinical perfectionism: a cognitive-behavioural analysis, Behaviour Research and Therapy 40(7):773-791
2. Breines & Chen (2012), Self-compassion increases self-improvement motivation, Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin 38(9):1133-1143
3. Lloyd et al. (2015), Can psychological interventions reduce perfectionism? A systematic review and meta-analysis, Behavioural and Cognitive Psychotherapy 43(6):705-731
4. Frost et al. (1990), The dimensions of perfectionism, Cognitive Therapy and Research 14(5):449-468
5. Hewitt & Flett (1991), Perfectionism in the self and social contexts: conceptualization, assessment, and association with psychopathology, Journal of Personality and Social Psychology 60(3):456-470
6. Stoeber & Otto (2006), Positive conceptions of perfectionism: approaches, evidence, challenges, Personality and Social Psychology Review 10(4):295-319
7. Curran & Hill (2019), Perfectionism is increasing over time: a meta-analysis of birth cohort differences from 1989 to 2016, Psychological Bulletin 145(4):410-429
8. Egan, Wade & Shafran (2011), Perfectionism as a transdiagnostic process: a clinical review, Clinical Psychology Review 31(2):203-212
9. Centre for Clinical Interventions (Western Australia), Perfectionism in perspective
10. Neff (2023), Self-compassion: theory, method, research, and intervention, Annual Review of Psychology 74:193-218
11. Kross et al. (2014), Self-talk as a regulatory mechanism: how you do it matters, Journal of Personality and Social Psychology 106(2):304-324

Written by Saj Ali. Last updated 3 November 2026. Spotted an error? Tell us and we will fix it.