Grief is the natural response to losing someone or something you love. It can follow a death, but also the end of a relationship, the loss of a pet, a job, your health, a home or a future you had hoped for. Grief can bring sadness, numbness, anger, guilt, relief and longing, sometimes all in one day. There is no right way to grieve and no fixed timetable. There are many gentle ways to help, from tapping, Havening and mindfulness to writing, ritual and the support of others. Pick what’s going on for you and we’ll show you where to start.
What’s going on for you?
For the first days and weeks after a loss.
- Step 1 · Cover the basics
Eat, drink, rest
Grief is exhausting. Small meals, water and rest matter more than usual.
- Step 2 · Let people help
Say yes to support
Let friends bring food, sit with you or handle tasks. You don’t have to do this alone.
- Step 3 · Soothe your body
Havening
Gentle self-touch many people use to calm overwhelming emotion.
Not quite right? See every method for grief and loss
For sudden waves of sadness, longing or tears.
- Step 1 · Let the wave come
Breathe through it
Waves of grief rise and fall. Breathe slowly and let it move through you.
- Step 2 · Tap through it
EFT Tapping
Tap along with a short guided video for grief. It’s in Videos.
- Step 3 · Be present
The Presence Process
A practice people use to sit with feelings rather than push them away.
Not quite right? See every method for grief and loss
For grief that feels frozen or unchanged after a long time.
- Step 1 · Write it down
Expressive writing
Write for 15 to 20 minutes about your loss and what it means to you, for a few days in a row.
- Step 2 · Make peace
Ho’oponopono
A short Hawaiian practice of forgiveness, gratitude and love, often used for unfinished business.
- Step 3 · Get support
Grief counselling
A grief counsellor or support group can help you move forward. See Get help.
Not quite right? See every method for grief and loss
For breakups, pets, jobs, health, homes and other losses.
- Step 1 · Name the loss
It counts
Grief isn’t only for death. Naming what you lost helps you honour it.
- Step 2 · Stay present
Mindfulness
Notice feelings with kindness as they come and go.
- Step 3 · Build what’s next
Small new steps
Little by little, add new routines, people and goals alongside the loss.
Not quite right? See every method for grief and loss
Every method for grief and loss
Tapping & calming your body
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EFT Tapping
Tap on acupressure points while naming a feeling. Many people use it to soften waves of grief. Full guide
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Havening
Gentle self-touch combined with simple mental tasks, used to ease distress. Many people use it for overwhelming grief. Full guide
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Thought Field Therapy
Problem-specific tapping sequences, including ones people use for grief and loss. Full guide
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Relaxation
Slow breathing and muscle relaxation can ease the physical tension grief brings. Full guide
Presence & acceptance
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The Presence Process
A structured practice for sitting with feelings rather than resisting them. Full guide
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Mindfulness
Noticing thoughts and feelings with kindness, so they can come and go. Full guide
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Ho’oponopono
A short practice of four phrases: I’m sorry, please forgive me, thank you, I love you. People use it for unfinished business. Full guide
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Meditation
A daily practice many people find steadying during grief. Full guide
Expressing & connecting
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Expressive writing
Writing about emotional experiences has been linked to improvements in physical and mental health. [1]
Everyday practice
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Rituals and remembrance
Lighting a candle, visiting a special place or marking anniversaries helps many people stay connected to what they lost.
Everyday practice
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Support groups
Sharing with others who understand can make grief feel less lonely.
Everyday practice
More methods with their own hub and guide
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Sedona Method
People use it to let difficult feelings pass. Full guide
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Inner Child Healing
People use it to comfort the younger part of themselves that feels the loss. Full guide
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The Work (Byron Katie)
People use it to question painful thoughts such as “It should not have happened.” Full guide
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Yoga
People use it to release tension and reconnect with the body. Full guide
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Somatic Experiencing
People use it to release grief held in the body. Full guide
Conventional routes
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Grief counselling
Talking with a trained counsellor. A meta-analysis of 31 trials found psychological support reduced grief symptoms. [2]
Support option
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Your doctor
A doctor can help if grief is affecting your sleep, eating or health.
Support option
Learn more
About grief
What it is, why it happens and what helps. Contents:
- What grief is
- Grief after any loss
- What grief can feel like
- Stages, waves and the dual process
- How long grief lasts
- Resilience is common
- What helps
- Writing through grief
- Remembering and staying connected
- Supporting someone who is grieving
- Children and grief
- Grief and your body
- Anniversaries and special days
- Grieving a pet
- Finding meaning and growth
- Grief and work
- When grief stays intense
- How self-help methods fit in
- Conventional help
- FAQs
What grief is
Grief is the natural response to loss. It is how we carry love for someone or something that is no longer with us. The Cleveland Clinic notes that there are no right or wrong emotions when you are grieving and no neat timeline for how it unfolds. [3]
Grief touches the mind, body and daily life. It can affect sleep, appetite, energy, concentration and how you relate to other people. All of this is normal. You can explore related topics in our Wellness hub.
Grief after any loss
Grief is not only for death. People grieve many kinds of loss, including: [3]
- The end of a relationship or marriage.
- The death of a pet.
- A miscarriage or a fertility journey.
- Losing a job, a business or a career you loved.
- A change in health, or a loved one’s dementia.
- Moving home or country.
- Children leaving home.
- The loss of a hoped-for future.
These losses are real, and they deserve care. If you are grieving a breakup, our guide to heartbreak and breakups has more.
What grief can feel like
- Sadness and longing: deep yearning for who or what you lost.
- Numbness or shock: especially early on.
- Anger: at the situation, at others, at yourself.
- Guilt: “If only I had…”.
- Relief: after a long illness, for example. This is normal too.
- Physical symptoms: tiredness, aches, a tight chest, poor sleep, changes in appetite.
- Trouble focusing: sometimes called “grief brain”.
- Moments of joy: laughter and lightness can sit alongside grief, and that is healthy.
Stages, waves and the dual process
You may have heard of the five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. They describe feelings many people have, but grief rarely moves in a straight line. Many people find it comes in waves that are close together at first and slowly spread out.
Psychologists Margaret Stroebe and Henk Schut described the dual process model. In it, healthy grieving moves back and forth between two things: facing the loss (crying, remembering, missing) and rebuilding life (new routines, new roles, rest and distraction). Taking breaks from grief is part of coping well, not a sign of avoiding it. [4]
So if you laugh at a film one evening and cry the next morning, you are not doing it wrong. You are doing what grieving people naturally do.
How long grief lasts
There is no set timeline. The Cleveland Clinic notes that symptoms often improve gradually and that grief commonly lasts from six months to two years, though everyone is different. [3] Many people find that grief changes rather than ends. In her TED talk, Nora McInerny describes moving forward with grief rather than moving on from it. Birthdays, anniversaries and holidays can bring it back strongly for years, and that is normal.
Resilience is common
Psychologist George Bonanno found that resilience after loss is common. Many people continue to experience positive emotions and show only minor, short-lived disruption to their daily lives. [5] That doesn’t mean they didn’t love deeply. It means humans have a strong natural capacity to cope.
If you are coping well, there is nothing wrong with you. If you are struggling, that is normal too, and there are many ways to help.
What helps
- Let it come. Feelings that are allowed tend to move. Feelings that are pushed away tend to linger.
- Take breaks. Rest, distraction and time with friends are part of grieving well. [4]
- Look after your body. Sleep, food, water, fresh air and gentle movement. Our guide to sleep may help.
- Stay connected. Talk to people who listen well. Join a support group.
- Keep simple routines. They give your days a shape when everything feels upside down.
- Put off big decisions where you can, such as moving house, in the first months.
- Be kind to yourself. Our guide to self-love practices has ideas.
Writing through grief
Psychologist James Pennebaker found that writing about emotional experiences is followed by improvements in physical and mental health. [1] Try this:
- Set a timer for 15 to 20 minutes.
- Write freely about your loss and your deepest thoughts and feelings about it.
- Don’t worry about spelling, grammar or whether it makes sense.
- Repeat for three or four days in a row.
You might also write a letter to the person you lost, telling them what you wish you had said. Many people find this helps with unfinished business. Ho’oponopono can be a gentle way to finish it.
Remembering and staying connected
Many people find comfort in keeping a bond with who or what they lost. You might keep a memory box, plant a tree, cook a favourite recipe, wear something special, visit a meaningful place, or mark anniversaries in your own way. Cultures and faiths around the world have rich traditions for honouring the dead, and many people draw strength from them.
Supporting someone who is grieving
- Show up. A message, a meal or a visit means a lot. Don’t wait to be asked.
- Say their name. Many grieving people love hearing others remember the person.
- Listen more than you speak. You don’t need the perfect words.
- Offer specific help. “Can I walk your dog on Tuesday?” is easier to accept than “Let me know if you need anything.”
- Keep checking in after the first few weeks, when support often fades.
- Remember key dates such as birthdays and anniversaries.
Children and grief
Children grieve too, often in bursts. They may be sad one minute and playing the next. Use simple, honest words such as “died” rather than “gone to sleep”, which can confuse or frighten them. Answer questions as they come, keep routines steady and let them join in remembering, such as drawing a picture or sharing a memory. The Dougy Center has free resources for grieving children and families.
Grief and your body
Grief is felt in the body as much as the mind. Many people notice tiredness, a heavy or tight chest, aches, headaches, an upset stomach, restless sleep or a lowered appetite. Your nervous system has been through a shock, and it needs care. Gentle movement such as walking or yoga, regular meals even when you are not hungry, time outdoors and a calming bedtime routine can all help. Body-based practices such as Havening, tapping and slow breathing give your body a direct way to settle. If physical symptoms worry you, it is always fine to check in with your doctor.
Anniversaries, holidays and special days
Birthdays, anniversaries, festivals and family gatherings can bring grief back strongly, even years later. It often helps to plan ahead. Decide what you would like to do, whether that is marking the day with a ritual, spending it with people who understand, or keeping it quiet. Let others know what would help. You might set a place at the table, share favourite stories, look through photos or do something the person loved. The days leading up to a date are often harder than the day itself, so be extra gentle with yourself then.
Grieving a pet
The loss of a pet can be as painful as any other loss. Pets are part of daily life, offering company, routine and unconditional love. Others don’t always recognise this grief, which can make it lonelier. Give yourself permission to grieve fully. Many people find comfort in a small ceremony, a framed photo, a memory book or planting something in the garden. Pet loss support services and online communities can help, and some vets offer bereavement resources.
Finding meaning and growth
Over time, many people find that loss changes them in ways they did not expect. They may feel closer to others, clearer about what matters, more compassionate or more grateful for everyday moments. Some honour the person they lost by carrying on their values, raising money for a cause or helping others who are grieving. Meaning doesn’t replace the loss, and there is no rush to find it. But for many people it becomes part of how grief and love live on together.
Grief and work
Going back to work after a loss can feel daunting. Many employers offer bereavement leave and flexible hours, so it is worth asking. Let your manager know what helps, such as a phased return, a quiet place to take a break or a colleague who can share news on your behalf. Concentration is often lower for a while, so lists, reminders and smaller goals can help. Some people find the routine of work steadying; others need more time. Both are normal.
When grief stays intense
For most people, grief slowly softens. For some, it stays very intense and gets in the way of daily life for a long time. Researchers call this prolonged grief. A meta-analysis found it affects about one in ten bereaved adults. [6] The good news is that support helps: a meta-analysis of 31 trials found that psychological help reduced grief symptoms, and it worked especially well for people who were struggling some months after their loss. [2]
How self-help methods fit in
Many people find that body-based methods help when grief feels overwhelming. EFT tapping and Havening are gentle ways to soothe strong emotion. The Presence Process and mindfulness help you stay with feelings without being swept away. Ho’oponopono offers a way to make peace with unfinished business. If grief has brought on low mood that won’t lift, our guide to depression has more, and our guide to stress management can help with the practical strain.
Conventional help
Grief counselling and bereavement support groups help many people. A meta-analysis found psychological support reduced grief symptoms both straight after treatment and at follow-up. [2] Organisations such as Cruse Bereavement Support in the UK and the Dougy Center in the US offer free support. Your doctor can help if grief is affecting your sleep, eating or health, and can refer you to a counsellor. Directories for several countries are in Get help & sources.
Frequently asked questions
What is grief?
Grief is the natural response to losing someone or something you love. There are no right or wrong emotions when grieving. [3]
How long does grief last?
There is no set timeline. Symptoms often ease gradually, and grief commonly lasts from six months to two years, though everyone is different. [3]
Is it normal to feel okay soon after a loss?
Yes. Research by George Bonanno found resilience after loss is common, with many people showing only minor, short-lived disruption. [5]
Are the five stages of grief real?
They describe feelings many people have, but grief rarely follows a straight line. Many people move back and forth between facing the loss and rebuilding life. [4]
Can you grieve things other than a death?
Yes. People grieve breakups, pets, jobs, health, homes and hoped-for futures. These losses are real. [3]
Does writing help with grief?
Many people find it does. Writing about emotional experiences has been linked to improvements in physical and mental health. [1]
Does grief counselling work?
Yes. A meta-analysis of 31 trials found psychological support reduced grief symptoms. [2]
The best videos on grief
Hand-picked and checked one by one: grief researchers and therapists, plus guided practices and tapping.
Understand grief
Guided practices for grief
Tapping for grief
Books on grief
Free resources
Experts to follow
Get help
Talk to your doctor if grief is affecting your sleep, eating, health or ability to manage day to day. They can help and point you to bereavement support.
Find a therapist or counsellor
- US and Canada: Psychology Today (US) and (Canada) directories.
- UK: BACP therapist directory.
- Australia: APS Find a Psychologist, and Relationships Australia for couple and family services.
- Elsewhere, including Europe and India: ask your doctor or local health service for a referral, and check that anyone you see is registered or accredited where you live.
This hub is for information, not a substitute for medical or psychological care.
Sources
- Pennebaker (1997), Writing about emotional experiences as a therapeutic process, Psychological Science 8(3):162-166
- Johannsen et al. (2019), Psychological interventions for grief in adults: a systematic review and meta-analysis of randomized controlled trials, Journal of Affective Disorders 253:69-86
- Cleveland Clinic, Grief
- Stroebe & Schut (1999), The dual process model of coping with bereavement: rationale and description, Death Studies 23(3):197-224
- Bonanno (2004), Loss, trauma, and human resilience: have we underestimated the human capacity to thrive after extremely aversive events? American Psychologist 59(1):20-28
- Lundorff et al. (2017), Prevalence of prolonged grief disorder in adult bereavement: a systematic review and meta-analysis, Journal of Affective Disorders 212:138-149
Written by Saj Ali. Last updated 30 October 2026. Spotted an error? Tell us and we will fix it.