About emotional abuse

What it is, why it happens and what helps. Contents:

• What emotional abuse is
• A global picture
• What it can look like
• Control and isolation
• Gaslighting and self-doubt
• Why it can be confusing
• Understanding trauma bonds
• Why leaving can be hard
• How it can affect you
• It is not your fault
• Writing it down
• Beginning to heal
• Rebuilding self-worth
• Calming the body
• Boundaries and new relationships
• Supporting someone you love
• Hope and growth
• How self-help methods fit in
• FAQs

What emotional abuse is

Emotional abuse, also called psychological abuse, is a pattern of behaviour that harms a person’s mental and emotional well-being or is used to control them. The World Health Organization includes psychological abuse and controlling behaviours in its description of intimate partner violence, alongside physical and sexual harm. [1] The CDC describes psychological aggression as the use of verbal and non-verbal communication with the intent to harm a partner mentally or emotionally, or to exert control over them. [2] Emotional abuse can happen in any relationship, between partners of any gender, age, background or culture, and also within families and friendships. You can explore more in our Relationships hub.

A global picture

Abuse in relationships affects people in every country. The World Health Organization describes violence against women, particularly by partners, as a major public health issue, and estimates that about 1 in 3 women worldwide have experienced physical or sexual violence from a partner or sexual violence from someone else in their lifetime. [1] Emotional abuse often happens alongside these forms of harm, but it can also happen on its own. Men are affected too: the CDC reports that intimate partner violence affects millions of women and men in the United States each year. [2] If this is part of your life, you are far from alone.

What it can look like

Emotional abuse can take many forms. The World Health Organization gives examples of emotional, or psychological, abuse such as insults, belittling, constant humiliation, intimidation and threats of harm. [3] Kati Morton gently explains five signs of emotional abuse in Videos. A single argument is not abuse. Abuse is a pattern that leaves one person feeling afraid, small or controlled.

Control and isolation

Control is at the heart of emotional abuse. The World Health Organization describes controlling behaviours such as isolating a person from family and friends, monitoring their movements, and restricting access to money, work, education or medical care. [3] Over time, these behaviours can leave someone cut off from the people who would normally support them. Gentle reconnection with trusted friends, family or community groups is often one of the most healing steps. Our guide to loneliness and making friends has ideas for rebuilding connection.

Gaslighting and self-doubt

Gaslighting is a form of manipulation that makes a person doubt their own memory, perceptions or feelings. It might sound like “That never happened”, “You’re too sensitive” or “You’re imagining things”. Over time, gaslighting can make it hard to trust yourself. Writing down what happens, with dates, and talking things over with someone you trust can help you see situations more clearly. Kati Morton explains in Videos that abusive relationships do not always look like what people expect, which is part of why they can be so confusing.

Why it can be confusing

Emotionally abusive relationships often include loving, tender moments alongside hurtful ones. A partner may be kind and apologetic after a hurtful episode, and these good times can bring real hope that things will change. This mix of warmth and hurt can be very confusing. It can make it hard to name what is happening and easy to blame yourself. Understanding that this pattern is common can bring relief and clarity. Psych2Go’s video in Videos explains what mental, psychological and emotional abuse have in common.

Understanding trauma bonds

A trauma bond is a strong emotional attachment that can form when hurtful and loving moments are mixed together. The unpredictable shifts between warmth and hurt can make the bond feel intense and hard to break. People in trauma bonds often feel deep love, loyalty and hope for the relationship, even while feeling hurt by it. Kati Morton describes common reasons trauma bonds form in Videos. Understanding these bonds is an act of self-compassion, not a sign of weakness.

Why leaving can be hard

People sometimes ask why someone does not simply leave. A World Health Organization information note describes understandable reasons people may stay, including fear of retaliation, lack of other financial support, concern for their children, lack of support from family and friends, stigma, and love and the hope that the partner will change. [3] The same note explains that many people do eventually leave, often after more than one attempt. In her TED talk in Videos, Leslie Morgan Steiner shares her own story with honesty and grace, helping listeners understand why leaving can be so complicated. Everyone’s path is different, and every step towards feeling safer and more supported counts.

How it can affect you

Emotional abuse can affect both mind and body. A large systematic review and meta-analysis led by Sabina Dokkedahl, including 194 studies, found strong links between psychological violence in relationships and symptoms of post-traumatic stress, depression and anxiety. [4] The CDC also notes that survivors of intimate partner violence can experience depression and symptoms of post-traumatic stress. [2] People often describe low self-esteem, feeling anxious or on edge, trouble sleeping, difficulty making decisions or feeling numb. These are natural responses to a painful situation, and with support they can ease.

It is not your fault

Nobody deserves to be treated with contempt or control, whatever happened in an argument and whatever the other person says. Responsibility for hurtful behaviour lies with the person who chooses it. Qualities such as caring, loyalty, empathy and forgiveness are strengths, not flaws. Being gentle with yourself and letting go of self-blame is an important part of healing. Dr David Hawkins shares what people affected by emotional abuse really need in Videos.

Writing it down

When someone often tells you that things did not happen the way you remember, writing things down can help you hold on to your own experience. A simple notebook or private notes app can be enough. Note the date, what was said or done, and how you felt afterwards. Over time, reading back through your notes can reveal patterns that are hard to see day to day, and help you trust your own memory and feelings again. Writing can also be a gentle way to process emotions, notice your strengths and record small moments of courage and joy. Keep your notes somewhere private that feels safe for you.

Beginning to heal

Healing from emotional abuse is possible, and many people go on to feel stronger, wiser and more at peace than ever. Healing often begins with safety, rest and understanding what happened. It continues with rebuilding trust in yourself, reconnecting with others and rediscovering what brings you joy. Dr Ramani shares essential steps to recovery in Videos, and Psych2Go offers six ways to heal from childhood emotional abuse. Our guides to trauma recovery and healing from narcissistic abuse offer more gentle ideas.

Rebuilding self-worth

Emotional abuse often leaves behind a harsh inner voice. Rebuilding self-worth means gradually replacing that voice with a kinder one. Try noticing harsh thoughts about yourself and asking, “Would I say this to a friend?” Write down your strengths, the things you have survived and the qualities people love in you. Spend time with people who make you feel valued. Our guides to self-esteem and self-love have many more ideas.

Calming the body

After a long period of stress, the body can stay on high alert. Gentle practices can help it feel safe again. Slow breathing, walks in nature, warm baths, gentle stretching, regular meals and good sleep all help settle the nervous system. Methods such as somatic experiencing, yoga and meditation focus on helping the body release stress. Our guide to stress management has more ideas.

Boundaries and new relationships

As you heal, learning about healthy boundaries can help you feel confident and safe in future relationships. Healthy relationships include respect, honesty, trust, kindness, freedom to see friends and family, and the ability to disagree without fear. Our guide to setting boundaries explains how to set and keep limits kindly. When you feel ready, our guides to dating and rebuilding trust can help you open your heart again at your own pace.

Supporting someone you love

If you are worried about someone you love, your care can make a real difference. Listen without judgement, believe them and let them know it is not their fault. Avoid pressuring them to leave or making decisions for them, as they know their situation best. Stay in touch, gently remind them of their strengths and let them know you will be there whenever they want to talk. Simply being a steady, caring presence can help someone feel less alone.

Hope and growth

Many people who have experienced emotional abuse describe a time when they began to feel like themselves again: laughing more, trusting their own judgement and enjoying calm, kind relationships. Healing is rarely a straight line, and there may be good days and harder days. Each step, however small, is meaningful. With time, support and self-compassion, it is very possible to build a life filled with respect, safety and love.

How self-help methods fit in

Self-help methods can gently support healing alongside caring people and professional support. Cognitive behavioural therapy techniques help challenge harsh beliefs that abuse can leave behind, while mindfulness and meditation bring calm and self-compassion. Somatic experiencing and Havening focus on soothing the body, and inner child work nurtures parts of you that were hurt. You can see every method we cover in the full list above.

Frequently asked questions

What is emotional abuse?

A pattern of behaviour that harms someone’s emotional well-being or is used to control them. The WHO includes psychological abuse and controlling behaviours in its description of partner violence. [1]

What are signs of emotional abuse?

The WHO lists examples such as insults, belittling, constant humiliation, intimidation and threats, along with controlling behaviours such as isolation and monitoring. [3]

What is gaslighting?

A form of manipulation that makes a person doubt their own memory, perceptions or feelings.

How does emotional abuse affect mental health?

A review of 194 studies found strong links with symptoms of post-traumatic stress, depression and anxiety. [4]

What is a trauma bond?

A strong attachment that can form when hurtful and loving moments are mixed together in a relationship.

Why can leaving be hard?

The WHO notes reasons such as fear, money worries, concern for children, lack of support, stigma, and love and the hope that the partner will change. [3]

Can you heal from emotional abuse?

Yes. With safety, support and self-compassion, many people rebuild their confidence and enjoy healthy relationships.

The best videos on emotional abuse

Hand-picked and checked one by one: Kati Morton, TED, Dr Ramani, Dr David Hawkins and Psych2Go.

Recognising emotional abuse

Understanding why it is hard

Healing and recovery

Books on emotional abuse

Free resources

Experts to follow

Get help

This hub is for information, not a substitute for medical or psychological care.

Sources

1. World Health Organization, Violence against women fact sheet
2. CDC, About intimate partner violence
3. World Health Organization (2012), Understanding and addressing violence against women: intimate partner violence
4. Dokkedahl et al. (2022), The psychological subtype of intimate partner violence and its effect on mental health: a systematic review with meta-analyses, Systematic Reviews 11:163

Written by Saj Ali. Last updated 31 October 2026. Spotted an error? Tell us and we will fix it.