Nonviolent Communication (NVC): The Complete Guide to Marshall Rosenberg’s Method

Nonviolent Communication (NVC) is a way of speaking and listening developed by psychologist Marshall Rosenberg. It uses four simple components (observations, feelings, needs and requests) to help people express themselves honestly, hear each other with empathy and find solutions that work for everyone.

Communication and relationships · Helps with: conflict, relationships, anger, communication, empathy, workplace tension

Last updated: 30 October 2026

Written by Saj Ali

Reading time: about 19 minutes

How we wrote this guide: this guide was written by Saj Ali. Every research claim below links to the original study, its DOI or an official record.

Quick answer: does Nonviolent Communication work?

• It is backed by a growing body of studies. Training has been linked with higher empathy in parolees (Marlow et al., 2012), nursing students (Nosek et al., 2014) and health professionals (Wacker & Dziobek, 2018).
• The benefits can last. In a controlled trial with health professionals, NVC use at work had risen and empathic distress had fallen at a three-month follow-up (Wacker & Dziobek, 2018).
• It is free to start. You can practise the four components today with a free feelings and needs list and a single conversation.
• It suits almost any relationship. Couples, parents, teams, teachers, mediators and nurses all use it, in more than 60 countries.

Contents

1. What Is Nonviolent Communication?
   • NVC at a Glance
2. Where NVC Came From: Marshall Rosenberg
   • The book that spread NVC
3. The Four Components of NVC
   • 1. Observations
   • 2. Feelings
   • 3. Needs
   • 4. Requests
   • Two directions: honest expression and empathic listening
4. The Key Ideas Behind NVC
   • Life-alienating communication
   • Taking responsibility for our feelings
   • Empathy before education
   • Expressing anger fully
   • Gratitude the NVC way
5. How to Use NVC: A Step-by-Step Script
6. What Is NVC Used For?
7. What the Research Shows
   • Empathy in parolees
   • Health professionals: a controlled trial
   • Nursing students
   • The studies at a glance
8. NVC vs Assertiveness Training vs Active Listening
9. Practising NVC Every Day
10. Finding an NVC Trainer or Course
    • Costs
    • What to look for
11. Watch, Listen and Follow
12. Frequently Asked Questions About Nonviolent Communication
13. Key Takeaways
14. Explore More on Self Help Supermarket
15. Sources

What Is Nonviolent Communication?

Nonviolent Communication, often shortened to NVC, is a practical approach to communication created by the American clinical psychologist Marshall B. Rosenberg. The aim is simple: to help people speak honestly and listen with empathy, so that everyone’s needs can be valued (CNVC).

NVC rests on a hopeful idea. Rosenberg believed that every human action is an attempt to meet a need, and that all human beings share the same basic needs, such as safety, respect, rest, belonging and meaning. Conflict happens when we use strategies that clash, or when we express our needs as blame, criticism or demands. If we can name our needs clearly and hear the needs behind other people’s words, solutions become much easier to find.

The word “nonviolent” can be confusing. Rosenberg did not mean that people who struggle with communication are violent. He was inspired by Gandhi’s idea of nonviolence, the natural state of compassion that returns when we stop judging. In everyday terms, NVC replaces habits like blaming, labelling, comparing and demanding with honest self-expression and curious listening.

NVC at a Glance

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Where NVC Came From: Marshall Rosenberg

Marshall Rosenberg was born in 1934 and grew up in Detroit. He often described how, as a child, he saw both violence and remarkable kindness around him, and he became curious about why some people stay compassionate even in hard situations. He went on to train as a clinical psychologist.

According to the Center for Nonviolent Communication, Rosenberg first developed the NVC process in the 1960s while working on federally funded school integration projects. He used it to help students, teachers and administrators mediate conflicts and talk across deep divides (CNVC). In 1984 he founded the Center for Nonviolent Communication, an international non-profit organisation, and served as its Director of Educational Services until 2011.

Over the following decades, Rosenberg taught NVC in more than 60 countries. He worked with families, schools, prisons, businesses, health-care teams and peace-building projects in areas affected by war. He was known for his warm, playful teaching style, often using two hand puppets: a jackal, which spoke in blame and judgement, and a giraffe, the land animal with the biggest heart, which spoke the language of feelings and needs. Rosenberg died in 2015, but his work continues through CNVC and hundreds of certified trainers around the world (CNVC).

The book that spread NVC

Rosenberg’s book Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life is the core text. Its publisher, PuddleDancer Press, says it has sold millions of copies worldwide and has been translated into more than 40 languages (PuddleDancer Press). The third edition was published in 2015. It is clear, practical and full of real conversations, which makes it one of the easiest self-help books on communication to put into practice.

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The Four Components of NVC

At the heart of NVC is a simple four-part model. You can use it to express yourself, and you can use it to listen. CNVC describes the components as observations, feelings, needs and requests (CNVC).

1. Observations

An observation describes what actually happened, without evaluation. “You were 20 minutes late for dinner” is an observation. “You are always late” or “You don’t respect my time” are evaluations. Rosenberg considered separating observation from evaluation to be one of the most powerful skills in NVC, because people tend to hear evaluation as criticism and stop listening.

2. Feelings

Next, you name what you feel: sad, worried, delighted, irritated, hopeful, tense. NVC makes a useful distinction between feelings and thoughts dressed as feelings. “I feel abandoned”, “I feel manipulated” and “I feel that you don’t care” are really interpretations of what someone else did. “I feel lonely” or “I feel scared” describe your inner state. A good feelings vocabulary helps enormously. CNVC offers a free feelings and needs inventory you can download.

3. Needs

Feelings point to needs. When needs are met, we tend to feel pleasant emotions. When they are not, we feel unpleasant ones. NVC needs are universal: rest, safety, connection, respect, autonomy, fairness, play, meaning, understanding and so on. Crucially, a need is never tied to a particular person or action. “I need you to call me every day” is a strategy. “I need connection and reassurance” is the need underneath it. When people talk at the level of needs, they find they have far more in common than they thought.

4. Requests

Finally, you ask for something concrete that would help meet the need. Good NVC requests are positive (what you want, not what you don’t want), specific and doable now. “Would you be willing to text me if you’re running more than ten minutes late?” is clear. “Please be more considerate” is not. An NVC request is also genuinely a request: if a “no” leads to blame or punishment, it was a demand. When someone says no, NVC invites you to get curious about the need behind their no.

Two directions: honest expression and empathic listening

The four components work in two directions. In honest self-expression, you say your own observations, feelings, needs and requests. In empathic listening, you listen for the other person’s observations, feelings, needs and requests, even when they are expressed as criticism. Rosenberg said that behind every “jackal” message there is a “please” and a need. A third direction, self-empathy, means turning the same curiosity towards yourself, especially when you are angry or ashamed.

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The Key Ideas Behind NVC

NVC is more than a formula. A few core ideas give it depth and make it useful in everyday life.

Life-alienating communication

Rosenberg used the phrase “life-alienating communication” for habits that block connection. These include moralistic judgements (“you’re selfish”), comparisons (“why can’t you be more like your sister?”), denying responsibility (“I had to, it’s company policy”) and demands (“do it or else”). Noticing these habits in your own speech is often the first big step.

Taking responsibility for our feelings

In NVC, other people’s actions can be a stimulus for our feelings, but not the cause. The cause is our own needs. This shift can be very freeing. Instead of “you make me furious”, you say “I’m furious because I need honesty”. The other person hears information about you rather than an attack, and you reclaim choice about how to respond.

Empathy before education

When someone is upset, NVC suggests offering empathy before advice, reassurance or explanation. People usually need to feel understood before they can hear anything else. Rosenberg often summed this up as “empathy before education”.

Expressing anger fully

NVC does not ask you to suppress anger. Rosenberg saw anger as a signal that we are thinking judgemental thoughts and that a need is unmet. His suggested process is to stop, breathe, identify the judgements, connect with the need behind them, and then express the need and request. Many people find this makes anger far easier to handle in relationships.

Gratitude the NVC way

NVC also changes how we say thank you. Instead of praise (“you’re amazing”), an NVC appreciation names the action, the feeling and the need it met: “When you cooked dinner tonight, I felt so relieved, because I really needed rest.” This kind of thanks is specific and lands deeply.

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How to Use NVC: A Step-by-Step Script

Use this script for a conversation that matters to you, such as a recurring argument with a partner, a tense moment with a colleague or a request you keep putting off. Read it through once, then try it with something small first. Small wins build confidence quickly.

1. Pause and connect with yourself first. Before you speak, take a few slow breaths. Ask yourself: what happened, what am I feeling, and what do I need? If you are very upset, give yourself silent empathy for a minute or two before you begin.
2. Describe what you observed. Say what you saw or heard, as a camera would record it, with no judgement attached. For example: “When I saw the dishes still in the sink this morning…” rather than “When you were lazy again…”
3. Name your feeling. Say how you feel, using a real feeling word: “…I felt frustrated and tired.” Avoid “I feel that you…” or words like “ignored” or “let down”, which describe what you think the other person did.
4. Connect the feeling to your need. Link your feeling to a universal need: “…because I need support and shared responsibility at home.” This shows that your feeling comes from your own needs, not from the other person’s faults.
5. Make a clear, doable request. Ask for a specific action in positive language: “Would you be willing to wash up tonight before we watch TV?” Keep it concrete, present and something the person can say yes or no to.
6. Listen for their feelings and needs. Whatever the reply, listen for what the other person is feeling and needing. Guess out loud: “Are you feeling overwhelmed because you need some rest after work?” You do not have to agree to understand.
7. Reflect back and check. Repeat back what you heard in your own words and ask if you have understood. This step slows the conversation down and helps the other person feel heard.
8. Look for a solution that meets both sets of needs. Once both of you feel understood, brainstorm together. Ask: “What could we try that would work for both of us?” Agree one small, specific next step.
9. Appreciate and review. End with thanks for something specific. A few days later, check in on how the agreement is working and adjust it if needed.

At first the four components can feel stiff. That is normal. Rosenberg himself said the form matters less than the intention behind it, which is to connect. With practice, you will use your own natural words.

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What Is NVC Used For?

Because it is a general approach to communication, NVC can be applied almost anywhere people talk to each other. CNVC lists research and practice in education, mental health, workplaces, justice and family systems (CNVC research).

• Couples and close relationships. NVC gives partners a shared language for difficult topics such as chores, money, intimacy and trust. Our guides to improving communication in relationships and marriage and long-term partnership pair well with it.
• Conflict and mediation. NVC mediators help each side hear the needs of the other before looking for solutions. See our guide to conflict resolution.
• Anger and resentment. Translating judgements into needs turns heat into information. Our anger and resentment guide covers this in more depth.
• Boundaries. NVC helps you say no kindly and clearly, and hear no without taking it personally. Try it with our setting boundaries guide.
• Rebuilding trust. After a breach of trust, empathic listening helps both partners feel heard. See rebuilding trust after infidelity.
• Jealousy. Naming the need behind jealousy, often security or reassurance, makes it easier to ask for what helps. See how to overcome jealousy.
• Separation and co-parenting. NVC can keep conversations calmer during a break-up and when sharing the care of children. See divorce and separation.
• Parenting. Many parents use NVC to replace rewards and punishments with connection and cooperation.
• Workplaces and health care. Teams use NVC for feedback, meetings and stressful conversations. Studies with nurses and health professionals are described below.
• Schools and justice. NVC has roots in school integration work and has been taught in prisons and restorative justice programmes.

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What the Research Shows

NVC grew out of practice rather than the laboratory, but researchers have increasingly tested it. The studies so far are encouraging, especially for empathy, which is the skill NVC most directly trains. CNVC keeps a list of research on its website (CNVC).

Empathy in parolees

In a study of 30 male parolees in the USA, participants took part in an eight-week NVC programme. The researchers found a significant increase in empathy scores after the course, and suggested that NVC could be a useful addition to support for people leaving prison (Marlow et al., 2012).

Health professionals: a controlled trial

One of the strongest studies comes from Germany. Wacker and Dziobek gave health-care professionals a three-day NVC training and compared them with a control group. After training, participants verbalised emotions more and used NVC more at work. Their empathic distress, the draining kind of empathy that leads to burnout, went down, and a rise in social stressors at work was prevented. These effects were still visible at a three-month follow-up (Wacker & Dziobek, 2018). This makes NVC interesting for anyone in a caring role, and it links well with our burnout guide.

Nursing students

A mixed-methods study found that NVC training increased empathy in nursing students (Nosek et al., 2014). In South Korea, a study of 62 nursing students used six 120-minute NVC sessions. Students in the programme showed increases in self-esteem, empathy, interpersonal relationships and communication competency (Sung & Kweon, 2022).

The studies at a glance

Most studies are small, and researchers would like to see more large controlled trials, especially with couples and families. But the direction of the evidence is positive, the approach is low-cost, and the skills are easy to test in your own life.

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NVC vs Assertiveness Training vs Active Listening

NVC overlaps with other communication approaches, and many people combine them.

If you want to go deeper into the inner side of NVC, our guides to The Work of Byron Katie and mindfulness help you notice judgemental thoughts as they arise. For confidence in speaking up, see our self-confidence guide.

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Practising NVC Every Day

NVC is a skill, like learning a language. Short, regular practice works better than reading alone. Here are simple ways to build it into your day.

• Observation spotting. Once a day, notice an evaluation in your head (“he’s rude”) and translate it into an observation (“he didn’t say hello when he came in”).
• Feelings check-in. Set a reminder three times a day to name what you feel, using a feelings list.
• Needs journal. At night, write down one moment you felt good and one you felt bad, and the need behind each.
• Translate a complaint. When someone complains to you, silently guess their feeling and need before you answer.
• One NVC request a day. Make one clear, positive, doable request, at home or at work.
• Join a practice group. Many towns and online communities run free or low-cost NVC practice groups. CNVC lists events and trainers.
• Find an empathy buddy. Agree with a friend to take turns listening to each other for 10 minutes, guessing feelings and needs.

Be gentle with yourself. Everyone slips into old habits, especially under stress. NVC includes self-empathy for exactly these moments: notice, breathe, and try again.

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Finding an NVC Trainer or Course

You can learn NVC on your own, but a trainer or group can speed things up. CNVC certifies trainers who have completed an assessment process, and its website has a searchable directory and an interactive map (CNVC certified trainers). CNVC also lists workshops, online courses and longer international intensive trainings (CNVC events).

Costs

Prices vary widely by country and format. Many practice groups are free or donation-based. Online introductory courses and weekend workshops are usually paid, and longer residential intensives cost more. Check the current price with the trainer or organiser before you book. The core book is widely available in paperback, ebook and audio, and libraries often stock it.

What to look for

• CNVC certification, or clear experience and training in NVC
• Plenty of practice time, not just theory
• A warm, non-judgemental style that models what it teaches
• Options that fit your goals: couples, parenting, workplace or mediation

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Watch, Listen and Follow

These videos are a great way to see NVC in action. Start with Marshall Rosenberg’s own San Francisco workshop, then explore shorter explainers.

Videos

• NVC Marshall Rosenberg – San Francisco Workshop – Centrum Nadania. Rosenberg’s classic workshop, with subtitles, covering the whole process with his giraffe and jackal puppets.
• Giraffe Language and Jackal Language – Giraffe NVC. A short clip of Rosenberg explaining the two “languages”.
• How to resolve conflicts | Nonviolent Communication explained by Marshall Rosenberg – Giraffe NVC. Rosenberg on using NVC in conflict.
• How to Express Needs | Nonviolent Communication explained by Marshall Rosenberg – Giraffe NVC. Why naming needs changes conversations.
• The Basics of Non Violent Communication | Part 2: Expressing Needs and Requests – Giraffe NVC. A clear look at needs and requests.
• Nonviolent Communication (NVC) – Observation vs thoughts – Tamara Catharina. A practical explainer on the first component.
• Nonviolent Communication (NVC) Four Step Process – Sheila Ivain. A beginner-friendly walk-through of the four steps.
• NonViolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg: Animated Book Summary – BigIdeasGrowingMinds. A quick animated overview of the book.
• Nonviolent Communication and Self Awareness – TEDx Talks (Maria Engels). A TEDx talk on NVC and self-awareness.

Books

• Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life – Marshall B. Rosenberg (3rd ed., PuddleDancer Press, 2015). The core text and the best place to start.
• Speak Peace in a World of Conflict – Marshall B. Rosenberg (PuddleDancer Press, 2005). NVC applied to families, work and society.
• Living Nonviolent Communication – Marshall B. Rosenberg (Sounds True, 2012). Practical applications for everyday life.

Free resources

• CNVC Feelings and Needs Inventory – a free download listing feeling and need words.
• CNVC: What is NVC? – the official introduction.
• PuddleDancer Press: Learn NVC – free articles on NVC and more than 70 topics, from anger to parenting.
• CNVC certified trainers directory – find a trainer near you or online.

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Frequently Asked Questions About Nonviolent Communication

What are the four steps of Nonviolent Communication?

The four components are observations (what happened, without judgement), feelings (how you feel), needs (the universal human needs behind the feeling) and requests (a clear, doable action that would help). You can use them to express yourself and to listen to others.

Who created Nonviolent Communication?

NVC was created by Dr Marshall B. Rosenberg (1934–2015), an American clinical psychologist. He first developed it in the 1960s and founded the Center for Nonviolent Communication in 1984.

Does Nonviolent Communication really work?

Studies have found that NVC training can increase empathy in groups as different as parolees, nursing students and health professionals. A controlled trial with health workers also found less empathic distress three months later. Most studies are small, but the results are positive.

Can I use NVC if the other person does not know it?

Yes. NVC works best when one person starts using it. Empathic listening, clear observations and doable requests tend to calm conversations whether or not the other person has heard of NVC.

Is NVC good for couples?

Yes. Many couples use NVC to talk about chores, money, intimacy and trust without blame. Because it focuses on shared human needs, it helps partners find solutions that work for both of them.

How long does it take to learn NVC?

You can learn the four components in an afternoon and start using them straight away. Becoming fluent takes regular practice over months, which is why many people join practice groups.

What is the difference between a need and a strategy in NVC?

A need is universal and not tied to any person or action, such as rest, respect or connection. A strategy is a specific way of meeting it, such as “I need you to call me every night”. Talking about needs opens up more possible strategies.

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Key Takeaways

• Nonviolent Communication is a way of speaking and listening created by psychologist Marshall Rosenberg in the 1960s.
• It uses four components: observations, feelings, needs and requests.
• It works in two directions: honest self-expression and empathic listening, plus self-empathy.
• Studies link NVC training with higher empathy and, in health workers, less empathic distress.
• It is free to start, and practice groups and certified trainers are available worldwide.
• It pairs well with work on communication, conflict, anger, boundaries and trust.

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Explore More on Self Help Supermarket

Use these guides alongside this one:

• Improving communication in relationships – practical skills for everyday conversations
• Conflict resolution – how to work through disagreements
• Anger and resentment – understand and release anger
• Marriage and long-term partnership – keep a long relationship strong
• Rebuilding trust after infidelity – repair after a breach of trust
• Setting boundaries – say no kindly and clearly
• Divorce and separation – calmer conversations during a break-up
• Overcome jealousy – meet the need behind jealousy
• The Work of Byron Katie – question judgemental thoughts
• Mindfulness – notice reactions before you speak
• Inner child work – self-empathy for old hurts
• Browse all self-help techniques – compare every method on Self Help Supermarket.

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Sources

1. Rosenberg, M. B. (2015). Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life (3rd ed.). PuddleDancer Press. https://www.cnvc.org/store/nonviolent-communication-a-language-of-life
2. Marlow, E., Nyamathi, A., Grajeda, W. T., Bailey, N., Weber, A., & Younger, J. (2012). Nonviolent communication training and empathy in male parolees. Journal of Correctional Health Care, 18(1), 8–19. https://doi.org/10.1177/1078345811420979
3. Wacker, R., & Dziobek, I. (2018). Preventing empathic distress and social stressors at work through nonviolent communication training: A field study with health professionals. Journal of Occupational Health Psychology, 23(1), 141–150. https://doi.org/10.1037/ocp0000058
4. Nosek, M., Gifford, E., & Kober, B. (2014). Nonviolent Communication (NVC) training increases empathy in baccalaureate nursing students: A mixed method study. Journal of Nursing Education and Practice, 4(10). https://doi.org/10.5430/jnep.v4n10p1
5. Sung, K., & Kweon, Y. (2022). Effects of a nonviolent communication-based empathy education program for nursing students: A quasi-experimental pilot study. Nursing Reports, 12(4), 824–835. https://doi.org/10.3390/nursrep12040080
6. Center for Nonviolent Communication. What is NVC? https://www.cnvc.org/learn/what-is-nvc
7. Center for Nonviolent Communication. Marshall Rosenberg, founder. https://www.cnvc.org/about/founder
8. Center for Nonviolent Communication. Research. https://www.cnvc.org/learn/research
9. Center for Nonviolent Communication. Certified trainers. https://www.cnvc.org/trainers
10. PuddleDancer Press. Nonviolent Communication. https://www.nonviolentcommunication.com/

Self Help Supermarket guides are for general information and are not a substitute for professional medical or psychological advice.