Emotional intelligence (EI, often called EQ) is the ability to recognise, understand and manage your own emotions, and to recognise and respond well to the emotions of others. Psychologists Peter Salovey and John Mayer introduced the idea in 1990, and Daniel Goleman’s 1995 book made it widely known. Research suggests it can be developed with practice and is linked with happier relationships.
Last updated: 5 November 2026
Reading time: about 7 minutes
How we wrote this article: this article was written by Saj Ali. It draws on the original research on emotional intelligence and later studies, and every research claim links to its source.
Emotional intelligence in brief
- What it is. Recognising, understanding and managing emotions in yourself and others.
- Origins. Defined by Salovey and Mayer in 1990; popularised by Goleman in 1995.
- Core skills. Self-awareness, self-management, empathy and relationship skills.
- Can it grow? A meta-analysis of 58 studies found training had a moderate positive effect.
- Why it matters. Higher EI is linked with greater relationship satisfaction.
Contents
- What Is Emotional Intelligence?
- The Core Skills
- EQ vs IQ
- What the Research Says
- Signs of High Emotional Intelligence
- How to Build Emotional Intelligence
- Common Myths
- A Simple Weekly Practice
- Emotional Intelligence in Relationships
- Emotional Intelligence at Work
- Frequently Asked Questions
- Key Takeaways
- Explore More on Self Help Supermarket
- Sources
What Is Emotional Intelligence?
Psychologists Peter Salovey and John Mayer first described emotional intelligence in 1990 as the ability to monitor your own and other people’s feelings and emotions, to tell them apart, and to use this information to guide your thinking and actions (Salovey and Mayer, 1990).
Science journalist and psychologist Daniel Goleman brought the idea to a wide audience with his 1995 book Emotional Intelligence (Goleman, 1995). Since then, the concept has been used in schools, workplaces, coaching and relationship support around the world.
The Core Skills
Models differ slightly, but most describe four connected areas:
| Skill | What it looks like |
|---|---|
| Self-awareness | Noticing and naming what you feel, and understanding why |
| Self-management | Handling strong emotions calmly and choosing how to respond |
| Empathy (social awareness) | Picking up on how others feel and seeing things from their point of view |
| Relationship skills | Communicating clearly, resolving conflict and building trust |
EQ vs IQ
IQ describes reasoning and problem-solving abilities, while EQ describes how well you work with emotions. They are different and complementary: someone can be brilliant with ideas and still find it hard to read a room, or the other way round. The good news is that emotional skills can be practised and strengthened throughout life.
What the Research Says
- It can be learned. A meta-analysis of 58 studies found that emotional intelligence training had a moderate positive effect on EI (Mattingly and Kraiger, 2019).
- It supports relationships. A meta-analysis of studies with 603 participants found that higher trait emotional intelligence was linked with greater romantic relationship satisfaction, including the satisfaction of a person’s partner (Malouff et al., 2014).
Signs of High Emotional Intelligence
- You can name your feelings precisely, such as “disappointed” rather than just “bad”.
- You pause before reacting when upset.
- You listen to understand, not only to reply.
- You can disagree respectfully and repair after conflict.
- You notice how your mood affects others.
- You accept feedback with curiosity.
How to Build Emotional Intelligence
Like any skill, emotional intelligence grows with regular practice. Try these:
Build self-awareness
- Check in with yourself a few times a day: “What am I feeling right now?”
- Expand your emotion vocabulary; try using more specific words.
- Write about your day in a journal; see our journaling guide.
Strengthen self-management
- Take a slow breath or a short pause before responding to strong feelings.
- Notice your common triggers and plan a calm response.
- Try a regular mindfulness practice and be kind to yourself when you slip up; see Self-Compassion.
Grow empathy
- Ask open questions and listen fully.
- Reflect back what you hear: “It sounds like you felt…”
- Get curious about perspectives different from yours.
Improve relationship skills
- Use “I” statements to share feelings without blame.
- Learn a structured approach like Nonviolent Communication, which focuses on observations, feelings, needs and requests.
- Practise repairing after disagreements; see Conflict Resolution.
Common Myths
- “Emotionally intelligent people are always calm.” Everyone feels strong emotions. EI is about noticing them and choosing how to respond.
- “It means being nice all the time.” Emotional intelligence includes being honest, setting boundaries and having difficult conversations with care.
- “You either have it or you don’t.” Research on training suggests these skills can be developed (Mattingly and Kraiger, 2019).
- “It is only about other people.” It starts with understanding yourself.
A Simple Weekly Practice
Try this short routine for a few weeks and notice what changes:
- Daily check-in (1 minute). Name your main emotion and rate it from 1 to 10.
- One pause a day. When something irritates you, take one slow breath before you reply.
- One listening conversation. In one chat a day, focus fully on understanding the other person and reflect back what you hear.
- Weekly review (10 minutes). Write down a moment you handled well and one you would like to handle differently next time.
Many people find that naming emotions and pausing quickly become habits, and that conversations start to feel easier and warmer.
Emotional Intelligence in Relationships
Emotionally intelligent couples and friends tend to notice each other’s feelings, talk openly and repair quickly after disagreements. Simple habits like a daily check-in, saying thank you and asking “What do you need from me right now?” can make a real difference. Our Improving Communication in Relationships guide has more practical ideas.
Emotional Intelligence at Work
- Stay calm under pressure and help others do the same.
- Give feedback kindly and specifically.
- Notice when a colleague seems stressed and check in.
- Recognise your own stress signals; see Stress Management.
Frequently Asked Questions
What is emotional intelligence?
The ability to recognise, understand and manage your own emotions and respond well to the emotions of others.
Who came up with emotional intelligence?
Psychologists Peter Salovey and John Mayer defined it in 1990; Daniel Goleman popularised it in his 1995 book.
What are the main skills of emotional intelligence?
Self-awareness, self-management, empathy and relationship skills.
Can you improve emotional intelligence?
Yes. A meta-analysis of 58 studies found training had a moderate positive effect on EI.
Is EQ more important than IQ?
They measure different things and work together. Both are useful in life and work.
How does emotional intelligence affect relationships?
Research links higher trait EI with greater romantic relationship satisfaction for both partners.
What is a quick way to build EQ?
Pause several times a day to name what you are feeling as precisely as you can.
Key Takeaways
- Emotional intelligence is about recognising and managing emotions in yourself and others.
- Salovey and Mayer defined it in 1990; Goleman popularised it in 1995.
- The core skills are self-awareness, self-management, empathy and relationship skills.
- Training can improve EI, according to a meta-analysis of 58 studies.
- Higher EI is linked with happier romantic relationships.
- Small daily habits like naming feelings and listening fully build EQ.
Explore More on Self Help Supermarket
Use these pages alongside this one:
- Improving Communication in Relationships – talking openly
- Conflict Resolution – repairing after disagreements
- Nonviolent Communication – needs-based communication
- Self-Compassion – kindness towards yourself
- Journaling for Mental Health – building self-awareness
- The Johari Window – feedback and self-awareness
- Six Thinking Hats – better group decisions
- Hofstede’s Cultural Dimensions – how culture shapes emotions and behaviour
- The Book of Human Emotions – a vocabulary for naming feelings
- Emotional Intelligence Quiz – score your four EI skills
- Browse all self-help techniques – compare every method on Self Help Supermarket.
Sources
- Salovey, P., and Mayer, J. D. (1990). Emotional intelligence. Imagination, Cognition and Personality, 9(3), 185-211. https://doi.org/10.2190/DUGG-P24E-52WK-6CDG
- Goleman, D. (1995). Emotional Intelligence. Bantam Books. Open Library record. https://openlibrary.org/works/OL1878267W
- Mattingly, V., and Kraiger, K. (2019). Can emotional intelligence be trained? A meta-analytical investigation. Human Resource Management Review, 29(2), 140-155. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.hrmr.2018.03.002
- Malouff, J. M., Schutte, N. S., and Thorsteinsson, E. B. (2014). Trait emotional intelligence and romantic relationship satisfaction: a meta-analysis. The American Journal of Family Therapy, 42(1), 53-66. https://doi.org/10.1080/01926187.2012.748549
Self Help Supermarket guides are for general information and are not a substitute for professional medical or psychological advice.