Dr Michael R. Edelstein is an American psychologist and author whose book Three Minute Therapy turns Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) into a short written exercise anyone can learn. [1] [2] He is a Training Supervisor and Fellow of the Albert Ellis Institute, and hosts the Three Minute Therapy podcast. [1]
Who is Michael Edelstein?
Michael Edelstein is a practitioner of Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) and Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT). He sees clients in person, online and by phone from his practice in California. [1]
REBT was created by the psychologist Albert Ellis in the 1950s, and Michael has worked closely within that tradition. He is a Training Supervisor and Fellow of the Albert Ellis Institute, a Diplomate in Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy from the National Association of Cognitive-Behavioral Therapists (NACBT), where he sits on the Board of Advisors, and a past President of the Association for Behavioral and Cognitive Therapy. [1]
His best-known book, Three Minute Therapy, was written with David Ramsay Steele. Ellis himself wrote the foreword and called it “one of the very best books to explain Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy in simple, clear, and highly usable form.” [2] The NACBT named him its Author of the Year. [2]
He lectures nationally and internationally, has appeared on radio and television, and has published in psychological journals. He blogs for Psychology Today and wrote the advice column “Ask Dr. Mike”. [1] Today he shares much of his work for free through his YouTube channel and podcast, both called Three Minute Therapy. [1]
His approach in brief
- Spot the must. Find the demand behind the upset.
- Dispute it. Ask, where’s the evidence?
- Prefer, don’t demand. Swap musts for preferences.
- Practise. Write the exercise out, often.
At a glance
Known for: Three Minute Therapy
Topics: Worry, self-acceptance, approval, procrastination, confidence
Format: Books, therapy practice, podcast and free videos
Books: Three Minute Therapy, Stage Fright, Therapy Breakthrough
YouTube: Michael Edelstein
Good fit if
You want a clear, practical way to stop upsetting yourself over everyday setbacks, and you like tools you can write down and use on your own.
Our take
A seasoned REBT psychologist with one of the simplest self-help tools around. Learn the six steps of the Three Minute Exercise and use it whenever something bothers you.
Michael Edelstein’s key ideas
These come from his book, website and videos. Tap a card to read more.
The Three Minute Exercise
The heart of his approach is a short written exercise that follows the letters A to F. [2] [3]
- A: Activating event. What happened that you felt upset about? For example, “I was criticized.”
- B: Irrational Belief. What were you telling yourself? For example, “I MUST not be criticized.”
- C: Consequences. How did you feel and act as a result?
- D: Disputing. Question the belief. “Why MUST I not be criticized?” Where’s the evidence?
- E: Effective new thinking. Write the answer, for example, “Although I PREFER not to be criticized, nothing etched in stone states that I MUST not be.”
- F: New Feeling. Note how you feel and act now.
His website offers a free printable form. [2] Once you have learned it, he says, the exercise takes a few minutes, but it works best with regular practice. [3] As Ellis wrote in the foreword, “Practice is essential.” [2]
The three musts
REBT teaches that it isn’t events themselves that upset us so much as the demands we make about them. Michael describes three types of demand: demands on oneself, demands on others and demands on the universe. [2] [4]
- On yourself: “I must do well and get approval.”
- On others: “You must treat me well.”
- On life: “Life must be fair, easy and hassle-free.”
When you feel very upset, he suggests, look for one of these “musts”, “have tos” or “got tos” behind it. [2]
Preferences, not demands
A key distinction in his work is between preferring something and demanding it. In one case study in his book, a client writes that “Although I keenly prefer not to lose my job, a preference does not equal a ‘got to.’” [2]
Preferences let you care deeply and still cope when things go wrong. Demands, he argues, turn setbacks into disasters. Another line from the same list sums it up: setbacks bring “hassles, not horrors.” [2] His approach is not to stop wanting things, but to want them without insisting that the world must deliver.
Stop rating yourself
Michael is critical of the idea that the answer to feeling bad about yourself is simply to boost your self-esteem. He writes that “self-rating—any self-rating, high or low—is often the root of the problem.” [2]
His alternative is to rate your actions, not your whole self. “Your successes aren’t you, your failures aren’t you,” as one heading in his book puts it. [2] Instead, he suggests you “accept yourself just as you are—a fallible human who can enjoy life no matter how poorly you perform, and no matter who disapproves.” [2] His book also notes that “My goal in life is to enjoy myself, not to prove myself.” [2]
Worry and the demand for certainty
In his chapter on worry, Michael defines worry as “anxious pondering”, or in the form of an equation, “Worry = Pondering + Anxiety”. [2] He points out that thinking hard about a problem is often useful; it’s the added anxiety that gets in the way.
Much worry, he says, comes from “a demand that one get an iron-clad, sure-fire, one-hundred-percent guarantee that something unpleasant absolutely will not occur.” [2] His advice is to challenge that demand. “The way you can stop worrying and yet continue to think hard about a problem is to challenge and uproot your ‘musts.’” [2]
The three-minute procrastination buster
In a demonstration session on his channel, Michael helps a client who wants to write a book but isn’t getting anything done. [5] His suggestions include:
- Set specific goals. Decide how much, on which days and at what time, for example ten pages a week, written before breakfast. [5]
- Start with three minutes. His “3-minute procrastination buster” means committing to just three minutes, then deciding whether to carry on. Once you start, he notes, it’s often easier to keep going. [5]
- Use rewards and penalties. For example, no breakfast until you have done your three minutes, plus a mild penalty you are willing to carry out if you skip it. [5]
He treats the plan as an experiment, to be adjusted by trial and error. [5]
Videos with Michael Edelstein
Hand-picked from his YouTube channel and the Three Minute Therapy podcast, and checked one by one.
Start here
The Three Minute Exercise
Emotions and therapy
Confidence and self-acceptance
Getting things done
Articles about Michael Edelstein
Michael Edelstein’s books
Michael’s books explain REBT in plain language. Three Minute Therapy is the place to start.
Find his books in your country: US · UK · Canada · Australia · India.
Where to learn from him
Michael offers therapy in person, online and by phone through his website, and shares free lessons on his YouTube channel and the Three Minute Therapy podcast. [1]
His books, videos and podcast are available worldwide, including the US, UK, Canada, Australia and India.
What the Research Shows
The core skills Michael Edelstein teaches, rethinking how you see a situation, starting tasks you put off, and accepting yourself, have each been studied by psychologists.
- Reframing. People who habitually reframe how they see a situation tend to feel more positive emotion and report better wellbeing. [6]
- Understanding procrastination. A large review linked procrastination to low confidence in succeeding, tasks that feel unpleasant and rewards that feel far away, which points to practical fixes. [7]
- Self-compassion. Treating yourself with the kindness you would show a friend is linked with greater wellbeing and resilience. [8]
Frequently asked questions
Who is Dr Michael Edelstein?
An American psychologist who practises REBT and CBT and wrote Three Minute Therapy.
What is Three Minute Therapy?
His plain-language approach to REBT, built around a short written exercise.
What are the steps of the Three Minute Exercise?
A activating event, B irrational belief, C consequences, D disputing, E effective new thinking and F new feeling.
What are the three musts?
Demands on yourself, on other people and on life or the universe.
Did Albert Ellis endorse his book?
Yes. Ellis wrote the foreword and called it one of the very best books explaining REBT.
What is the procrastination buster?
Committing to just three minutes on a task, then deciding whether to carry on.
Where should I start?
Watch his short introduction, then print the free form from his website and try the exercise.
Sources
- Three Minute Therapy: About Dr. Edelstein
- Three Minute Therapy: Books and Book Excerpts
- Three Minute Therapy Podcast: Mastering The Three Minute Exercise (YouTube)
- Michael Edelstein: What Is Three Minute Therapy/REBT? (YouTube)
- Michael Edelstein: Overcoming Procrastination (YouTube)
- Gross and John, Individual Differences in Two Emotion Regulation Processes, Journal of Personality and Social Psychology 2003
- Steel, The nature of procrastination: A meta-analytic and theoretical review, Psychological Bulletin 2007
- Neff, Self-Compassion: An Alternative Conceptualization of a Healthy Attitude Toward Oneself, Self and Identity 2003
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