Anthony de Mello (1931 to 1987) was an Indian Jesuit priest, psychotherapist and spiritual teacher, known around the world for his stories and his teaching on awareness. Blending Christian mysticism, Eastern philosophy and psychological insight, he invited people to wake up from conditioned patterns of fear and illusion into a life of presence, freedom and love. His books, including Awareness and The Way to Love, are perennial bestsellers. [1]
Who is Anthony de Mello?
Anthony de Mello, known to friends and readers as Tony, was born in Bombay on 4 September 1931, the oldest of five children in a happy Goan Catholic family. [2] [1]
At sixteen he entered the Jesuits, who sent him to Spain to study philosophy near Barcelona. He later earned a master’s in counselling from Loyola University Chicago and a postgraduate degree in spiritual theology from the Gregorian University in Rome, and was ordained a priest in 1961. People close to him said his time in Spain broadened his perspective. [1]
In 1972 he founded what became the Sadhana Institute of Pastoral Counselling in Pune. His first book, Sadhana: A Way to God, reimagined the spiritual exercises of Ignatius of Loyola in an Eastern form. Through the 1980s he led retreats across the West and Latin America, often at Jesuit institutions such as Fordham, weaving together John of the Cross, Rumi, Kabir, stories of the Buddha and tales from Islamic folklore into a single, unified teaching. His first exposure to the power of awareness came from retreats with the Vipassana teacher S. N. Goenka. [1]
He died suddenly of a heart attack in New York in 1987, aged 55. [1] Many of his retreat talks were published as books, both in his lifetime and afterwards. [2] Today the DeMello Spirituality Center, founded in 1983, preserves his original talks and holds the copyrights to his published works, recordings and videos. [3]
De Mello’s teaching in brief
- Wake up. Spirituality, for de Mello, means waking up to reality.
- Observe yourself. Watch “me” from the place of “I”, without identifying.
- See your attachments. Find the desire and identification beneath any suffering.
- Discover the happiness already there. Drop what the mind adds, and peace surfaces.
At a glance
Work: Jesuit priest, psychotherapist and spiritual teacher
Core idea: awareness: waking up to reality
Style: short stories and parables from East and West
Best known for: Awareness and The Way to Love
Official archive: DeMello Spirituality Center
Good fit if
You enjoy wisdom that arrives through stories and humour, you are drawn to both Christian and Eastern contemplative traditions, and you want to understand the attachments behind your worries rather than simply manage them.
Our take
Read one chapter of Awareness and then, the next time something upsets you, ask de Mello’s two questions: what is the desire under this, and what have I identified with?
De Mello’s key teachings
De Mello taught through stories, questions and plain talk. Tap a card to explore each theme.
Waking up
The DeMello Center sums up his message in a phrase: spirituality means waking up. [1] His teaching invites people to awaken from conditioned patterns of fear and illusion into a life of presence, freedom and love. [1]
In The Way to Love he asks what it would be like to stop the drain of energy, health and emotion that comes from inner and outer conflict, and answers simply: through awareness, which means to watch everything in you and around you. [4]
Our mindfulness guide offers simple ways to begin practising this kind of watching.
“I” observing “me”
One of de Mello’s best-loved ideas is the difference between “I” and “me”. In Awareness he notes that the “I” can observe “me”, a phenomenon that has never ceased to cause wonder to philosophers, mystics, scientists and psychologists. [5]
Labels such as name, nationality or job belong to “me”, not to “I”. When you step out of yourself and observe “me”, you no longer identify with it, and the “I” is never threatened. It can be very active, but it is not threatened. [5]
A simple practice: when you feel anxious, quietly notice “there is anxiety in me” and watch it with interest. Our overthinking guide pairs well with this.
Attachment and suffering
De Mello offers a gentle, practical exercise. Think of something that is causing you pain, worry or anxiety. First, find the desire under that suffering. Second, notice the identification: you have told yourself that your well-being is tied up with this desire. [5]
He defines an attachment as an emotional state of clinging caused by the belief that without some particular thing or person you cannot be happy. It brings a flash of pleasure when satisfied and a sense of threat that accompanies it. [6]
Seeing an attachment clearly is, for de Mello, how it begins to drop. Our stress management guide explores similar ground in everyday terms.
Happiness is already yours
Asked what one can do to attain happiness, de Mello answered that there is nothing to do, because you are already happy right now. What gets in the way is the unhappiness the mind keeps creating. [6]
His advice: find out what is causing the unhappiness and look at the cause unflinchingly, and it will drop by itself. Drop the unhappiness of the mind, he said, and the happiness that has always been yours will surface. [6]
In The Way to Love he describes a loving force surrounding you at all times, found by coming home to yourself and recognising that you are far better than you know. [4]
Wisdom through stories
De Mello is known for his storytelling, which drew on the mystical traditions of both East and West. [2] His retreats brought together Christian mystics such as John of the Cross, Sufi and Hindu poets such as Rumi and Kabir, stories from the life of the Buddha and tales from Islamic folklore. [1]
His story collections, such as The Song of the Bird and One Minute Wisdom, are short enough to read one a day and reflect on. [2]
Many readers keep one of these books by the bed and read a single story each night, letting it work quietly. Our meditation guide suggests ways to sit with a reflection like this.
Videos with Anthony de Mello
Hand-picked and checked one by one, including talks from the official DeMello Center.
Start here
Go deeper
Articles about Anthony de Mello
Anthony de Mello’s books
De Mello’s books are drawn from his retreats and stories, and most are short enough to read slowly. These three are the best places to begin. [2]
Buy Awareness in your country: US · UK · Canada · Australia · India.
Free listening, community and learning
His books are translated into many languages and the podcast and archive are online, so his teaching is easy to explore from the US, UK, India, Canada, Australia, Latin America and beyond.
What the Research Shows
De Mello’s teaching centres on awareness, and the research on mindfulness, a closely related practice, is encouraging.
- Being present. Across several studies, people with higher levels of mindful attention to the present moment reported greater well-being, and in a study of people with cancer, increases in mindfulness over time were linked with less stress and mood disturbance. [7]
- Mindfulness training. A meta-analysis of mindfulness-based stress reduction in healthy adults found large reductions in stress and moderate improvements in anxiety, depression and quality of life. [8]
Frequently asked questions
Who was Anthony de Mello?
Anthony de Mello (1931 to 1987) was an Indian Jesuit priest, psychotherapist and spiritual teacher, known for his stories and his teaching on awareness and waking up.
What is Anthony de Mello’s main teaching?
That spirituality means waking up: becoming aware of the attachments and illusions that cause suffering, so that the happiness already within you can surface.
Which Anthony de Mello book should I read first?
Awareness, drawn from his talks, is the most popular starting point. The Way to Love is a shorter companion.
What did de Mello say causes suffering?
He taught that suffering comes from identifying yourself with something, and from attachments: the belief that you cannot be happy without a particular thing or person.
What is the difference between “I” and “me” in de Mello’s teaching?
“Me” is the collection of labels, roles and feelings; “I” is the awareness that observes them. When “I” observes “me” without identifying, it is never threatened.
Where can I listen to Anthony de Mello?
The DeMello Spirituality Center offers The Happiness Podcast, with short free episodes, and an online archive of his talks.
When did Anthony de Mello die?
He died suddenly of a heart attack in New York in June 1987, aged 55.
Sources
- DeMello Spirituality Center: Meet Tony (official)
- Wikipedia: Anthony de Mello
- DeMello Spirituality Center: About
- DeMello Center: There Is a Loving Force Surrounding You, from The Way to Love
- DeMello Center: The Cause of All Suffering, from Awareness
- DeMello Center: What Can One Do to Attain Happiness?, from Awareness
- Brown and Ryan, The Benefits of Being Present: Mindfulness and Its Role in Psychological Well-Being, Journal of Personality and Social Psychology 2003
- Khoury et al., Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction for Healthy Individuals: A Meta-Analysis, Journal of Psychosomatic Research 2015
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